Day 43 (Part 2): Pitch Wars Query and First Page Workshop with Mentors Gabrielle Byrne and Lisa Amowitz
Jul10

Day 43 (Part 2): Pitch Wars Query and First Page Workshop with Mentors Gabrielle Byrne and Lisa Amowitz

Welcome to our Query and 1st Page Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected writers to participate in our query and first page workshops. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a query or 500 word opening from our lucky winners. We’ll be posting four critiques per day (except weekends) through July 7. Our hope is that these samples will help shine up your query and first page and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. First up we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Gabrielle Kirouac Byrne … Gabrielle lives in the rainy wilds of the Pacific Northwest, where she writes fantasy for middle graders. Gabby studied opera in Philadelphia, medieval studies in New York, literature in Scotland, and marine biology in the Pacific Northwest, but writing stories is the common thread that ties all her interests together. She has a degree in literature and another in environmental studies. When she’s not writing, you’ll find her fishing spineless critters out of the Salish sea with her husband and two daughters. She is represented by Catherine Drayton at Inkwell Management. Gabby blogs at www.thewingedpen.com  She tweets at @GKByrne, and posts on instagram at gabriellek.byrne Gabrielle’s Query Critique… AGE CATEGORY: Adult GENRE: Contemporary Romance Dear Agent, NADIA AHMADI is a successful CEO of a not-for-profit organisation in New York. His Royal Highness PRINCE CARLOS is the crown prince of Aragon. While on an official visit to New York, Carlos notices Nadia giving a speech at the United Nations headquarters. He’s struck by her self-assuredness and passion. He asks to meet her again, with Nadia assuming it’s related to her organisation. The two of them meet up again and Nadia’s shocked to learn the prince is more interested in her than a business meeting. Nadia’s quick to judge Carlos as a rich billionaire who doesn’t care about anyone but himself, but she soon realizes there’s more to this prince then she first though. Carlos finds Nadia’s honesty refreshing and wants to get to know her more. Carlos persuades Nadia to give him a chance and their mutual attraction soon leads them spending the limited time they have before Carlos must leave the United States getting to know each other. When Nadia is given the opportunity to travel to London for work, Carlos arranges to meet up with her. But with paparazzi following their every move will a relationship with a prince jeopardise her organisation, something she’s...

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Day 43 (Part 1): Pitch Wars Query and First Page Workshop with Mentors Michella Domenici and Lisa Amowitz
Jul10

Day 43 (Part 1): Pitch Wars Query and First Page Workshop with Mentors Michella Domenici and Lisa Amowitz

Welcome to our Query and 1st Page Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected writers to participate in our query and first page workshops. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a query or 500 word opening from our lucky winners. We’ll be posting four critiques per day (except weekends) through July 7. Our hope is that these samples will help shine up your query and first page and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. First up we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Michella Domenici Website | Twitter Michella Domenici was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY. She studies English and History at Fordham University. When she’s not reading, she’s drinking tea and searching for mermaids. She works at the Brooklyn Public Library, and is represented by Heather Flaherty of The Bent Agency. Michella’s Query Critique… AGE CATEGORY: Young adult GENRE: Contemporary Dear [agent’s first name], Tito Pablo and his husband Craig were the only family seventeen year-old Sim Francisco has ever known ever since Sim’s birth parents died in a car crash more than ten years ago. Pablo unexpectedly dies on All Saint’s Day, and soon after, Sim begins to hear his uncle’s voice in his head, suddenly speak fluent Filipino without realizing it, and see and relive Pablo’s former life as a teenager in the Philippines in his dreams. Sim believes that Pablo is asking him for help with…something. Or someone. The latter proves true when, while unboxing a bunch of mementos his uncle has left for him, Sim finds a printout of what appears to be a part of an email love letter that Pablo sent. Pablo’s husband, Craig, finds out that the letter is definitely not for him. Afraid that he will lose his family for a second time because of what the letter implies, Sim enlists his friends Harper and Nina to hack into cyberspace to locate the rest of the letter, properly translate it, find its recipient, and hopefully clear Pablo’s name. Sim’s search leads him to Angelo “Santi” Santiago, who is also seventeen years old and living in Manila. All Santi wants is to move out—of the house, even out of the country to go to college abroad—in order to escape his mother, who doesn’t approve of his “lifestyle,” and his father, who doesn’t seem to care for him at all. Good thing...

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