Day 34 (Part 2): Pitch Wars Query & First Page Workshop with Mentors Jenn Brisendine & Emily Colin
Jun23

Day 34 (Part 2): Pitch Wars Query & First Page Workshop with Mentors Jenn Brisendine & Emily Colin

Welcome to our Query and 1st Page Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected writers to participate in our query and first page workshops. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a query or 500 word opening from our lucky winners. We’ll be posting four critiques per day (except weekends) through July 7. Our hope is that these samples will help shine up your query and first page and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. First up we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Jenn Brisendine  Website | Twitter Jenn Brisendine, a secondary English/Language Arts teacher, writes middle grade and is repped by Alyssa Eisner Henkin at Trident Media. She currently enjoys writing historicals with elements of magic, but loves reading a variety of genres in middle grade. She was a Pitchwars ’15 mentee and can be found at @jennbrisendine on Twitter and @jennbrisendinewrites on Instagram. She’s happy to have recently joined the ranks at From the Mixed-Up Files of Middle Grade Authors – http://www.fromthemixedupfiles.com/2017/03/umbrella-raining-overarching-conflict-mg/ .  Check out her site https://jennbrisendine.com/  for free teacher printables on great MG novels and for reviews of great books on writing. Jenn’s Query Critique… Age: MG Genre: Fantasy Dear: Agent: The Ambassador of Attalon [You can use all caps for the ms title] is a standalone MG high fantasy of 50, 000 [no space in your number, or use “50K”] words with series potential. Already at 12 years old, it seems that all Clarine Hearthsgaard’s dreams have come true. She wins a coveted spot in Attalon’s prestigious Knight Academy to eventually [don’t need “eventually”; gives a long, drawn-out feel to the process] become a Knight of the Realm. But it doesn’t take long for Clarine to discover that attending a school for Knights is not quite what she thought it would be. Sore muscles from Weapons Training and headaches caused by mind-numbing Diplomatic Solutions [This is pretty minor, but maybe use a different example than a boring headache-inducing class; something equally as dynamic as Weapons Training might be better for the sake of querying.] are the least of her worries when she discovers a hidden grove with a single apple tree, and accidentally wakes King Arthur’s ghost.  [Maybe just another hint or two to tie things together—what’s the connection between apple tree and King Arthur? How does she wake him, especially if it’s...

Read More
Pitch Wars 2016 Success Interview with Sarena and Sasha Nanua and their mentor Stephanie Scott
Jun23

Pitch Wars 2016 Success Interview with Sarena and Sasha Nanua and their mentor Stephanie Scott

Our favorite part of hosting pitch contests around here is hearing about successes. Today we celebrate Sarena and Sasha Nanua and their Pitch Wars mentor Stephanie Scott! Sarena and Sasha recently signed with Peter Knapp of Park Literary & Media, and we’re so over-the-moon excited for them. So please join me in congratulating Sarena and Sasha and Stephanie as they share with us their awesome Pitch Wars success story. Sarena and Sasha, what was it about Stephanie that made you choose to send them a Pitch Wars application? We loved Stephanie’s bio—she mentioned how she was looking for manuscripts about teens with unique and strong passions, which meshes with our main character’s love for cooking. We also tweeted her to see if she would be interested in reading our book (based on concept), and she said sure, so we went for it! Plus, we’re all #TeamGale 😊 Stephanie, what was it about Sarena and Sasha’s A TASTE OF DARKNESS that hooked you?  The pitch was Willy Wonka meets Chopped – a reality show cooking competition set at culinary institute that previously shuttered due to scandal. What hooked me more was the family dynamics, of a girl torn between her own culinary dreams and studying something more practical to care for her family. The character’s connection to her grandfather was sweet and added a mystery element with his connection to the institute. Sarena and Sasha, tell us about the revision process for Pitch Wars? It was definitely a unique experience. Prior to this, only 1 other published author had read this book, and that was in its ugly 2nd draft stage. We were so thankful that Stephanie had a great vision for it. Mostly, we really had to “up” the stakes—make it bigger, both internally and externally for Tessa, our main character. We changed the book from 3rd to 1st person and changed a lot of the plot. Looking back on it now, it was a lot to do, but we’re both very thankful we had this experience. If it weren’t for Stephanie’s guidance, we would probably be lost tackling edits for our new book from our agent. Even though we had school, we were able to wrap up edits during the agent round. We would send out sections of the book as we edited it so Stephanie could give us her thoughts throughout the process.   Stephanie, tell us about your experience mentoring Sarena and Sasha. Sarena and Sasha were a dream to work with! Despite currently attending college, they turned in edits ahead of deadlines. They were eager to learn. Some decisions in editing don’t have a clear cut answer, and they both did really well...

Read More
Day 34 (Part 1): Pitch Wars Query & First Page Workshop with Mentors Lyndsay Ely & Erin Foster Hartley
Jun23

Day 34 (Part 1): Pitch Wars Query & First Page Workshop with Mentors Lyndsay Ely & Erin Foster Hartley

Welcome to our Query and 1st Page Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected writers to participate in our query and first page workshops. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a query or 500 word opening from our lucky winners. We’ll be posting four critiques per day (except weekends) through July 7. Our hope is that these samples will help shine up your query and first page and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. First up we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Lyndsay Ely  Website | Twitter Lyndsay Ely (pronounced “eel-y”, as in those eels are looking very eel-y today) is a writer who currently calls Boston home. She is a geek, a foodie, a feminist, and has never met an antique shop she didn’t like. Her favorite color is crimson, and her favorite book is The Count of Monte Cristo. Gunslinger Girl is her debut novel.   Lyndsay’s Query Critique… Age Category: Adult Genre: Paranormal Fantasy In a ruthless and vampiristic society that strips their citizens of emotions at birth, a young woman finds herself hunted as she is the only citizen that still, illegally, feels. [Great first line; very intriguing.] In Virtok, where humans are considered meals and emotions are forbidden, Penbly Hartson lives with the knowledge that her nights are numbered. Born with the rare gene that allows her to feel emotions, she is marked as an anomaly at birth. [Alone, I like this line. But I’m starting to get a little confused because before you say that emotions are stripped at birth. But here they are related to a gene? Can you clarify?] Hidden and protected by her older brother, she stops at nothing to find him when he disappears. [Good stakes, though I think it may read better as “she will stop at nothing.”] Until her secret is exposed. With a target painted on her back, Penbly knows she has two choices: leave her world or give herself up. [What are the consequences to giving herself up?] When she crosses paths with a human, they strike a deal; she offers him protection and he helps her cross to his world, Earth. [This is where I get thrown. Until now, I didn’t realize that Penbly wasn’t human. And if not, is she a literal vampire? Or some other kind of creature? I also...

Read More