Day 20 (Part 1): Pitch Wars Query & First Page Workshop with mentors, RuthAnne Snow and Hayley Stone
Jun05

Day 20 (Part 1): Pitch Wars Query & First Page Workshop with mentors, RuthAnne Snow and Hayley Stone

Welcome to our Query and 1st Page Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected writers to participate in our query and first page workshops. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a query or 500 word opening from our lucky winners. We’ll be posting four critiques per day (except weekends) through July 7. Our hope is that these samples will help shine up your query and first page and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. First up we have … Pitch Wars mentor, RuthAnne Snow . . .   Twitter | Website RuthAnne Snow was born and raised in Kaysville, Utah.  She was a sorority girl in college and social activities director in law school—which was a lot like being back in the sorority.  She has interned for the U.S. Senate, worked on policy papers for Congress and the State Department, and once spent a year sorting through emails looking for fraud.  It wasn’t nearly as fun as writing fiction.  She loves travel, dogs, horror movies, and baking.     RuthAnne’s Query Critique . . . Devastated by the murder of her stillborn son [this is unnecessarily confusing for a first line – I would strike “stillborn,” the scenario will be made clear in your pages], 19-year-old Princess Lysarra Aphaterrin is hell bent on revenge against the High Priestess who killed him, and whose curse has taken over the kingdom of Nezaria. But the High Priestess’s dark magic and royal guards are coming for Lysarra next, so the princess flees for her life. Lysarra’s misfortune delivers her straight into the muscled, blade-carrying arms of mercenary Noam Azarthius [this may be personal preference, but I would leave off the last names in a query, especially in a fantasy query where the names are already unfamiliar and cause a break in the flow of reading] amid a dark, sinister forest. The man swears he was sent by Lysarra’s beloved sister, but can she truly trust the handsome stranger? [You have a lot of adjectives here – in two sentences, we’ve got “muscled, blade-carrying,” “mercenary,” “dark, sinister,” “beloved” and “handsome.” Your flow isn’t bad, so take this piece of advice with a grain of salt, but I’d cut a few and give the remaining descriptors more impact.] Then, in a remote village, they meet a renegade witch crone with an astonishing claim: there is a...

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YA Beach Reads Giveaway … Enter to win a box full of books!
Jun05

YA Beach Reads Giveaway … Enter to win a box full of books!

The contest runs June 5-12.  Here’s the link to...

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