Day 17 (Part 2) of the Pitch Wars Query & 1st Page Workshop with mentors, Kelli Newby and Mary Ann Marlowe & Heather Ezell and Rachel Griffin
May31

Day 17 (Part 2) of the Pitch Wars Query & 1st Page Workshop with mentors, Kelli Newby and Mary Ann Marlowe & Heather Ezell and Rachel Griffin

Welcome to our Query and 1st Page Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected writers to participate in our query and first page workshops. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a query or 500 word opening from our lucky winners. We’ll be posting four critiques per day (except weekends) through July 7. Our hope is that these samples will help shine up your query and first page and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. First up we have … Pitch Wars Mentors, Kelli Newby and Mary Ann Marlowe Twitter | Website By day, Kelli works as a part-time English Professor, teaching composition, dramatic lit, fantasy lit, and fantasy writing.  By night, she writes novels, though she’s occasionally waylaid by bouts of theatre. She has an MFA in fiction from Bennington and have been published in The Mind’s Eye (Spring 2006 and  2015).  Her short plays have been produced by Main Street Stage in North Adams, Massachusetts; Berkshire Theatre Festival’s Late Night Story Time; and WAM/MOPCO’s 24 Hour Theatre Project. She also works as a playwright for Barrington Stage’s Playwright Mentoring Project. Her novel EX, EX, OH (recently retitled to THE GOOD GIRL’S GUIDE TO FANTASY AND ADVENTURE) is a finalist in the Joyce Henderson RWA Contest and was chosen for #PitchWars 2016. Other 2016 accomplishments include her contemporary romance MOUNTING THE MARQUIS winning Fire and Ice and finaling for The Molly. She’s the secretary of the Capital Region RWA chapter in Albany and is represented by Rena Rossner of the Deborah Harris Agency. Twitter | Website Mary Ann lives in central Virginia where she works as a computer programmer/DBA. She spent ten years as a university-level French professor, and her resume includes stints as an au pair in Calais, a hotel intern in Paris, a German tutor, a college radio disc jockey, and a webmaster for several online musician fandoms. She has lived in twelve states and three countries and loves to travel. Mary Ann’s recent release … Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | Audible In this sparkling debut novel, Mary Ann Marlowe introduces a hapless scientist who’s swept off her feet by a rock star—but is it love or just a chemical reaction?…Biochemist Eden Sinclair has no idea that the scent she spritzed on herself before leaving the lab is designed to enhance pheromones. Or that the cute, grungy-looking guy she...

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Day 17 (Part 1): Pitch Wars Query & First Page Workshop with mentors, McKelle George and Jenny Lundquist
May31

Day 17 (Part 1): Pitch Wars Query & First Page Workshop with mentors, McKelle George and Jenny Lundquist

Welcome to our Query and 1st Page Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected writers to participate in our query and first page workshops. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a query or 500 word opening from our lucky winners. We’ll be posting four critiques per day (except weekends) through July 7. Our hope is that these samples will help shine up your query and first page and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. Next up we have … Pitch Wars Mentor McKelle George Twitter | Website McKelle George is a reader, writer of clumsy rebels, perpetual doodler, and reference librarian at the best library in the world. She mentors with Salt Lake Teen Writes and plays judge for the Poetry Out Loud teen competitions (but has no poetic talent herself). Her debut young adult novel Speak Easy, Speak Love comes out from Greenwillow/HarperCollins in 2017, and she currently lives in Salt Lake City with an enormous white german shepherd and way, way too many books. McKelle’s upcoming release … Book Info: Speak Easy, Speak Love September 19, 2017 Greenwillow/HarperCollins Goodreads | Amazon | Indie Three girls. Three boys. By the end of a summer filled with romantic misunderstandings, witty machinations, and daring escapades, they’ll either all be enemies, or they’ll all be in love. This sparkling retelling of Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing is an uproarious battle of wits with a 1920’s twist. McKelle’s Query Critique… AGE CATEGORY: YA GENRE: Speculative Fiction The ideas in this query are great—and incredibly interesting. The sentence-level writing is strong and makes me think the writing in the manuscript would be equally up to the task! The main issue is a structural one—and it’s a bit long, as is. But you’ve made a great start. I would read this book! Sixteen-year-old Alex dreams of fire and ash every night in a country already controlled by Martial Law. [Modifier issues. Change to: In a country controlled by Martial Law, sixteen-year-old Alex dreams of fire and ash every night.] When those dreams become reality [Word choice here… ‘dreams become reality’ doesn’t necessarily suggest that her dreams told the future, which is I think what you’re trying to imply? Or maybe her parents aren’t hiding her away because of her dreams, but just because the world is awful and dying?], her parents shove her into a tiny safe room...

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