Day 16: Pitch Wars Query & First Page Workshop with mentors, Clarissa Goenawan & Lindsey Frydman
May30

Day 16: Pitch Wars Query & First Page Workshop with mentors, Clarissa Goenawan & Lindsey Frydman

Welcome to our Query and 1st Page Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected writers to participate in our query and first page workshops. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a query or 500 word opening from our lucky winners. We’ll be posting four critiques per day (except weekends) through July 7. Our hope is that these samples will help shine up your query and first page and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. First up we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Clarissa Goenawan Twitter Clarissa Goenawan is an Indonesian-born Singaporean writer. She studied novel-writing with Curtis Brown Creative and was formerly a mentee on the WoMentoring Project. Her first novel, Rainbirds, won the 2015 Bath Novel Award for best unpublished novelists across the globe and since then has been acquired by 10 international publishers. She loves rainy days, pretty books and hot green tea. Look for RAINBIRDS releasing March, 2018 from Soho Press. Clarissa’s Query Critique… AGE CATEGORY: Adult GENRE: Fantasy / Romance Superhuman strength and healing aside, Rackan Snow’s skill lies in avoiding personal conversations while navigating the whims of the power hungry King [Grammatically speaking, it should be ‘king’. Titles of people are only capitalized when they are followed by someone’s name.] whose emotions he inhabits. [The sentence reads a little clunky because of the length. Do we need all the information to be out in the first sentence? ‘whose emotions he inhabits’ also doesn’t sound smooth—consider rephrasing?] It’s a lonely life of pain and regret. Although maybe there’s not as much regret as there should be. [The two sentences that follow come across as too much telling. The reader should be able to deduce it after they learn about the circumstances of the MC] Rack inherited his more unusual talents from the only soldier the government managed to modify before the asteroid hit four hundred years ago. Rack [He?] is rich, strong, handy [skilled?] with a sword and mentally bonded to the King he was designed to protect. He’s also busy because some days there are more people trying to kill his King [Can we say ‘trying to kill him’ instead? Raise the stake!] than there are women banging on the door. [cheeky 😉 ] There’s no point in meeting a girl who matters because he’ll never let her become a higher priority than...

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ONE OF US IS LYING  by Pitch Wars mentor, Karen M. McManus
May30

ONE OF US IS LYING by Pitch Wars mentor, Karen M. McManus

US: Delacorte Press/Random House (May 30, 2017) UK/Australia: Penguin (June 1, 2017) About the book … The Breakfast Club meets Pretty Little Liars, One of Us Is Lying is the story of what happens when five strangers walk into detention and only four walk out alive. Everyone is a suspect, and everyone has something to hide. Pay close attention and you might solve this. On Monday afternoon, five students at Bayview High walk into detention. Bronwyn, the brain, is Yale-bound and never breaks a rule. Addy, the beauty, is the picture-perfect homecoming princess. Nate, the criminal, is already on probation for dealing. Cooper, the athlete, is the all-star baseball pitcher. And Simon, the outcast, is the creator of Bayview High’s notorious gossip app. Only, Simon never makes it out of that classroom. Before the end of detention Simon’s dead. And according to investigators, his death wasn’t an accident. On Monday, he died. But on Tuesday, he’d planned to post juicy reveals about all four of his high-profile classmates, which makes all four of them suspects in his murder. Or are they the perfect patsies for a killer who’s still on the loose? Everyone has secrets, right? What really matters is how far you would go to protect them. “An addictive, devour-in-one-sitting thriller with so many twists and turns you’ll be wondering until the very end: Who really killed Simon?”—Kara Thomas, author of The Darkest Corners and Little Monsters “This fast-paced blend of Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars, and classic John Hughes will leave readers racing to the finish as the try to unravel the mystery on their own.”—Kirkus Reviews “A smart, twisted, and unpredictable YA mystery that will have readers guessing until the very end.”—SLJ Buy links US: Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/One-Us-Lying-Karen-McManus/dp/1524714682 Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/one-of-us-is-lying-karen-m-mcmanus/1124568207 IndieBound: http://www.indiebound.org/book/9781524714680 Target: http://www.target.com/p/one-of-us-is-lying-hardcover-karen-m-mcmanus/-/A-52155662 UK Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/One-Us-Lying-Karen-McManus/0141375639 Waterstones: https://www.waterstones.com/book/one-of-us-is-lying/karen-mcmanus/9780141375632 About the author … Karen M. McManus earned her BA in English from the College of the Holy Cross and her MA in journalism from Northeastern University. When she isn’t working or writing in Cambridge, Massachusetts, McManus loves to travel with her son. One of Us Is Lying is her debut novel. To learn more about her, go to her website, karenmcmanus.com, or follow @writerkmc on...

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RELEASE DAY: DEJA YOU … E-books 99¢ RELEASE DAY SPECIAL
May30

RELEASE DAY: DEJA YOU … E-books 99¢ RELEASE DAY SPECIAL

TITLE: Déjà You PUBLISHER: Emerald Lily Publishing RELEASE DATE: May 30, 2017 E-books 99¢ RELEASE DAY SPECIAL Paperbacks $10.99 PURCHASE LINKS Amazon | B&N Paperback | Create Space Paperback In Déjà You, five authors share stories of second chances, as varied in telling as the writers themselves. Kelly Cain’s We’ll Always Have Oahu takes us on a whirlwind New Adult romance set in the 80s between a young woman on a high school graduation trip and a handsome Navy sailor. Bianca M. Schwarz transports us to 1760 in The Pearl with the story of Marcus Landover, who attends a card party and ends up with more than he bargained for in the beautiful Sophia Chelmsford. Amanda Linsmeier’s Joy and Sorrow reunites lovers separated by death in a Women’s Fiction tinged with the unusual. The Eyes of the Heart by Jamie McLachlan gives us Rosalina, who is forced to confront her attraction and the truth about her blindness when a new gardener is hired at the Greystone house. Finally, C.H. Armstrong brings us Mr. Midnight, where tragedy reunites two star-crossed lovers, but misunderstandings soon rip them apart. Now, six years later, the stars are realigning with the help of the smooth voice of a late night radio DJ. Some of the stories are sweet, some sad, some steamy, but all carry the same theme. Déjà You is a collection of stories for those who believe in love, but most of all, second chances. The Birth of Déjà You About two years ago, a group of five novice writers signed with the same small publisher, each inexperienced in the publishing world yet committed to understanding the process and finding success. Through their mutual dive into unchartered territory, Amanda Linsmeier, Bianca M. Schwarz, C.H. Armstrong, Kelly Cain, and Jamie McLachlan reached out to one another and became instant friends, sharing laughs, tears, and the struggles of life and writing. We soon dubbed ourselves “Book Besties.” During the fall of 2016, we decided to write a book of short stories together. As friends, we wanted to combine our talents to create a collection that would inspire hope and happiness. After much deliberation, we chose the theme “Second Chances” and decided to title this anthology, “Déjà You.” Though each story contains the same theme, they all are as unique as the author who wrote it. Including New Adult, Women’s Fiction, Fantasy, Historical, and Contemporary Romance, each short offers a different take on the theme and involves varying heat levels, from sweet to steamy. About the Authors Kelly Cain has published a multicultural adult and new adult romance, but she writes across genres and age...

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