Day 15 (Part 2): Pitch Wars Query and 1st Page Workshop with mentors Hayley Stone and Amy Trueblood
May29

Day 15 (Part 2): Pitch Wars Query and 1st Page Workshop with mentors Hayley Stone and Amy Trueblood

Welcome to our Query and 1st Page Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected writers to participate in our query and first page workshops. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a query or 500 word opening from our lucky winners. We’ll be posting four critiques per day (except weekends) through July 7. Our hope is that these samples will help shine up your query and first page and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. First up we have … Pitch Wars mentor, Hayley Stone . . . Website | Twitter Hayley Stone has lived her entire life in sunny California, where the weather is usually perfect and nothing as exciting as a robot apocalypse ever happens. When not reading or writing, she freelances as an editor and graphic designer, falls in love with video game characters, and analyzes buildings for velociraptor entry points. She holds a bachelor’s degree in history and a minor in German from California State University, Sacramento. Her debut novel, MACHINATIONS, released from Hydra/Random House and was chosen as one of Amazon’s Best Sci-fi and Fantasy Books of 2016. She loves interacting with fellow readers and writers on Twitter (@hayley_stone).   MACHINATIONS: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo COUNTERPART: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo Hayley’s Query  Critique . . . AGE CATEGORY: Adult GENRE: Fantasy romance Dear Agent, Exiled Charmer Leena Edenfrell is in deep shit. [Fun first line! Simple, yet it makes me believe the story will have good voice, and even a sense of humor. My only question—what is a Charmer?] Wanted by the Charmers Council for selling rare and endangered creatures on the black market for profit, they’ve hired an assassin to kill her. [Good introduction of the story’s conflict, but I’m still unclear on what a Charmer is or does. Is the Charmers Council an animal defense league of some sort, or are they upset because she’s encroaching on their own black market profits?] With the realm’s most talented murderer for hire nipping at her heels, Leena makes him an offer he can’t refuse—a handful of rare beasts in exchange for her life. [When you said “rare and endangered creatures” earlier, did you mean mythological or paranormal? Because at first I assumed you were talking about ordinary animals. Perhaps add some clarity here.] For sarcastic assassin Noc, knows that murder comes easy and pays well. when detachment and sarcasm...

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Day 15 (Part 1) of the Pitch Wars Query & 1st Page Workshop with mentors, Sharon M. Johnston & Summer Spence
May29

Day 15 (Part 1) of the Pitch Wars Query & 1st Page Workshop with mentors, Sharon M. Johnston & Summer Spence

Welcome to our Query and 1st Page Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected writers to participate in our query and first page workshops. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a query or 500 word opening from our lucky winners. We’ll be posting four critiques per day (except weekends) through July 7. Our hope is that these samples will help shine up your query and first page and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. First up we have … Pitch Wars mentor, Sharon M. Johnston . . . Twitter Sharon writes weird fiction and soulful contemporaries. She has short stories in anthologies: WORDS WITH HEART, NEVER BE YOUNGER, THE BASICS OF LIFE and THE LIFE AND TIMES OF CHESTER LEWIS. Her short story Karma was also runner-up in The Australian Literary Review’s short story competition. She regularly co-hosts Pitch Madness and is also a regular Pitch Wars mentor. As well as blogging on her own site, she also blogs with YAtopia and Aussie Owned & Read, where she contributes to discussions on the love of literature and the publishing industry in general. Sharon’s recent release … Available to purchase  in paperback and ebook. Find Divided on Goodreads Read a free excerpt here. A new heart should mean new life, instead it’s a living nightmare. Mishca Richardson’s life is at an all-time high after her heart transplant. With new boyfriend, Ryder, she has the perfect summer romance. Even the nightmares plaguing her sleep since her operation can’t dull her new dream world. Yet, life starts to unravel when Mishca develops superhuman abilities. She does her best to hide them so as not to end up a science experiment in a lab, but she can’t ignore the strange instant attraction she experiences when she meets her university professor, Colin Read. Torn between love and obsession, Mishca must unite her divided heart and decide between the two men. But when the truth about her weird powers comes to light, she’ll have a lot more to worry about than romance. Sharon’s Query  Critique . . . Category: YA Genre: Contemporary Gwen’s Comic Con customers believe her essential oil products are magic. Whether it’s her lip balms crafted with your favorite geeky hero in mind or her misting spray to keep your cosplay fresh and fabulous, Gwen’s company has a product for everything. [I found the query to be too long and...

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