Day 7 (Part 2): Pitch Wars Query Workshop with Mentors Akemi Dawn Bowman and N.K. Traver
May17

Day 7 (Part 2): Pitch Wars Query Workshop with Mentors Akemi Dawn Bowman and N.K. Traver

Welcome to our Query and 1st Page Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected writers to participate in our query and first page workshops. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a query or 500 word opening from our lucky winners. We’ll be posting four critiques per day (except weekends) through July 7. Our hope is that these samples will help shine up your query and first page and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones.   First up we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Akemi Dawn Bowman . . . Website | Twitter Akemi Dawn Bowman is a writer of young adult fiction. She’s a proud Ravenclaw and Star Wars enthusiast, who served in the US Navy for five years and has a BA in social sciences from UNLV. Originally from Las Vegas, she currently lives in England with her husband, two children, and their Pekingese mix. Her novel Starfish will be published in Fall 2017 with Simon Pulse, with a second untitled project to follow in Fall 2018. She is represented by Penny Moore of Empire Literary.       STARFISH – YA contemporary. A gorgeous and emotionally true debut novel about a half-Japanese teen who grapples with social anxiety and her narcissist mother in the wake of a crushing rejection from art school. (September 26th, 2017, Simon Pulse/Simon & Schuster) You can add it on Goodreads here, and read an exclusive excerpt from the book over on Riveted! Pre-Order Links: Amazon | Book Depository | Barnes & Noble   Akemi’s Query  Critique . . . AGE CATEGORY: YA GENRE: Fantasy AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER meets THE EPIC OF GILGAMESH when two teens must stop a weapon that could end their people’s cycle of reincarnations. HOUSE OF ASHES is a YA Fantasy complete at 81,000 words that will appeal to the younger range of YA readers who enjoyed Scott Westerfeld’s Leviathan Series. [This should be the final paragraph of your query letter rather than the opening one. You only get a few paragraphs to hook an agent, and ideally you want to do that in the very first sentence. Think of it as valuable real estate—you don’t want to waste it on comp titles and word counts when you could be introducing your MC and hook! I also want to mention one quick thing about comp titles. This might be an unpopular opinion, but I’m not sure how helpful comp titles...

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Day 7 (Part 1): Pitch Wars Query and First Page Workshop with Mentors Michella Domenici and Tomi Adeyemi & Kit Grant
May17

Day 7 (Part 1): Pitch Wars Query and First Page Workshop with Mentors Michella Domenici and Tomi Adeyemi & Kit Grant

Welcome to our Query and 1st Page Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected writers to participate in our query and first page workshops. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a query or 500 word opening from our lucky winners. We’ll be posting four critiques per day (except weekends) through July 7. Our hope is that these samples will help shine up your query and first page and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones.   Next up we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Michella Domenici Website | Twitter Michella Domenici was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY. She studies English and History at Fordham University. When she’s not reading, she’s drinking tea and searching for mermaids. She works at the Brooklyn Public Library, and is represented by Heather Flaherty of The Bent Agency. Michella’s Query Critique… AGE CATEGORY: Young Adult GENRE: Contemporary Dear Ms./Mr. Agent, [I recommend adding the MC’s age and even an adjective that relates to the plot if you want, like ‘Sixteen-year-old troubled Carson’] Carson Thompson has a passion for protecting people. This passion is [Passive voice. You can rephrase to make it snappier, like, ‘Carson dreams of being like his father, a…’] fueled by the legacy of his father, a war hero who sacrificed his life to save his comrades [When? How old was Carson when this happened? What’s the emotional tie?]. A year after witnessing the murder of his fiancé [Fiancé? In a YA contemporary?], Carson still wrestles with guilt and a sense of incapability that prevents him from moving forward in his life [Vague. Add something specific, like is Carson staying in bed all day instead of going to school, isolating himself and not hanging out with his friends, etc]. That is, until a world-class singer known as Vocemi is attacked by terrorists at the arena where Carson works [A teenage boy works at an arena? It’s starting to seem like your manuscript might not be YA. Additionally, the voice is passive again. You can fix it easily (‘Until world-class singer Vocemi…’), but this query is lacking in voice, in general. It’s very flat. Would Carson say ‘world-class singer,’ or ‘his favorite singer?’ Voice is also sentence variation, a rhythm to the words. Right now, you have three long sentences in a row. Switch it up a bit.]. Carson’s intervention with the...

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Pitch Wars Webinar: The Perfect Pitch with Mentor C.M. McCoy
May17

Pitch Wars Webinar: The Perfect Pitch with Mentor C.M. McCoy

WEBINARS Pitch Wars Webinars Presents… The first of two special small group educational series…. Pitch Perfect: Craft the perfect hook to sell your book to agents, editors, reviewers, and readers with Colleen Oefelein Craft the perfect hook to sell your book to agents, editors, reviewers, and readers. Pitch Perfect is a week-long, online workshop held inside a secret Facebook group and led by author and Literary Agency PR Manager/Associate Agent, Colleen Oefelein (author CM McCoy). In this workshop, authors cook their manuscript down to its juiciest bits and craft a 20-35 word pitch. We cover the anatomy of a pitch, see successful pitch examples (from queries, in-person pitches, and TV interviews), and craft an effective query letter inside a fun, friendly, interactive workshop. Those who wish to shine up their #PitchWars Pitch submission get an opportunity to do so and receive personal feedback/critique from me and the other participants. **Note — This workshop is a critique, not an evaluation of the author’s work, and the author’s work will not be considered for representation through this workshop.**   The Details . . . When: The program will be self-paced during the week of June 3-10 and is expected to take about five hours. Cost: $50 Please note: Registration is limited to the first FIVE (5) participants   Check back next week to register for Colleen’s second small group program: Why am I Getting Rejected? Which will take place June 10-17 in a similar environment.   About Colleen Oefelein.. . . Colleen Oefelein (author CM McCoy) has one pointed ear, a 70-pound puppy from Hell, and a very active imagination. She’s well aware nobody can say or spell her real last name, hence the pen name. You can call her Colleen. She’s a retired Air Force officer, an author, a blogger, and the PR manager for Inklings Literary Agency, where she’s also an agent assistant. When she’s not chatting with her imaginary friends, she’s either stuck in a book or interviewing with PEOPLE Magazine, ABC’s 20/20, the local morning news show, or INSIDE EDITION, where she promotes writing for mental and emotional health. She also mentors pre-published authors through workshops and contests and runs Totem Head’s Annual Free Writing Contest for Kids, now in its eighth year. Though she holds a BS in both Chemical Engineering and German, she’s far happier writing near misses and awkward kisses. Some of her off-the-wall talents include speaking in 10-codes (which she learned working 911-dispatch for Alaska State Troopers), flying helicopters, and Irish dance. Website | Twitter | Instagram| Facebook | Goodreads | YouTube | Pinterest   THIS WEBINAR IS NOW FULL   About Pitch Wars Webinars . . . The Pitch...

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