The One Million Project . . . Writing for Charity with Jason Greenfield
Jun23

The One Million Project . . . Writing for Charity with Jason Greenfield

Today we’d like to introduce the One Million Project, writers and artists donating their work for charity which gives to cancer research and helping the homeless. Here to tell us about it is founder, Jason Greenfield. (His twitter doubles as the OMP twitter as well.) Hashtags – #OMP #OneMillionProject #CancerResearchUK #Emmaus What is the OMP? A short story collection created by a network of authors, working together to raise money for charity. Website  |  Book Page  |  Amazon US  |  Amazon UK  |  Amazon Canada What is the Primary Objective? One Million Project refers to the aspirational sum of £1,000,000, raised through book downloads and paperback sales, with the aspiration of morphing into a Foundation which will continue to raise money for our charities on an ongoing basis, and promote indie writers and artists in their creative endeavours. Where are we at currently? The OMP is a collection of 24 stories by 14 different writers, available for kindle and print download sale. We are in the process of updating to include art for every story. For the price of a cup of coffee readers can expect over 600 pages of entertainment, with all profits going to charity, has been donated for free, for this purpose. You can read about time travel, grim and gritty slice of life, vampires, westerns, space tyrants, true life accounts, mythological adventure, supernatural romance/erotica, fantasy, sword and sorcery, lots and lots of different types of comedy, science fiction, thrillers, horror based and tales of suspense and more. The future of OMP? There are currently over 80 members in the network of writers and artists, as well as media, promotions and project managers. Given the success of the original collection and growth of the OMP brand, we are currently working on further collections to spotlight our newer writers. All profits would continue to accrue towards our £1,000,000 charity goal.   Meet the creator and some members of the OMP . . . JASON GREENFIELD – Originator of the OMP network (2013+) and author of 11 out of the 24 stories. His works include FOREVER TORN, a powerful biography about his grandfather’s fascinating life, THE UNSEEN MAN (superpowers/sci-fi/fantasy epic), THE DASHING BLADE (A mix of comic and straight action adventure, historical, steampunkesque fantasy set in the 1790‘s) and MAD DOG AND THE ENGLISHMAN (Dark Fantasy and the most offensive book you will ever read! Satirical crude humor). He is currently working on a fantasy universe known as The Mythlands, which mixes (mostly) public domain characters and lands from fantasy, fable, folklore, myth, legend and literature with some modern/pop culture twists in an epic apocalyptic adventure … THE...

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VLOG: How to Raise a Book Baby
Jun22

VLOG: How to Raise a Book Baby

As you gear up for Pitch Wars, remember: It’s important to give your book baby the attention it deserves before sending it out into the real world so it’ll succeed. Revision and sharing it with others in the writing community are all important parts of the process. What are you currently doing to prep your book baby for Pitch Wars?  ...

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Day 16 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Dannie Morin
Jun22

Day 16 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Dannie Morin

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Dannie Morin Twitter  |  Website Dannie Morin is an addictions therapist with a writing problem. By day she alternates between counseling teens and wrangling a very sassy toddler. By night she writes, critiques, and edits like a boss. When she’s not doing any of those things, she’s a compulsive participant in the Carolinas Region of SCBWI and a regular Snarky Sue in online Pitch Contests. Dannie pens young adult and new adult fiction in Charlotte, North Carolina.     The 500 Word Critique . . . YA Fantasy Andrea’s gaze traced a stack stone wall that crumbled down to nowhere as they passed. These are great details but I got a bit tripped up by the alliteration of stacked stone. I’m also not sure if ‘crumbled down to nowhere’ is happening actively in the scene. If so, you might consider making these two sentences. ‘Andrea’s gaze traced a stacked stone wall. It crumbled down to nowhere as they passed. More subjectively, I’m not crazy about ‘crumbled down to nowhere’. ‘Nowhere’ doesn’t help me picture this. She found something magical I can’t tell if this is literal or figurative. Did she literally find something magical? If so, being more specific would be good here. If you’re being more figurative, and that’s my guess here, you might use a different verb besides ‘found’. in the old ruins old ruins is a little redundant. You might consider a stronger adjective that gives us some sensory detail scattered everywhere another instance here where specificity would allow this to resonate more with the reader. It was Those Random pillars that once supported a temple to the Greek gods, and the pieces of rock with ancient carvings rubbed down from the years that first sparked her wonder for a time long ago. This is another sentence that reads a little clunky for me. I tried to clean it up, but that’s just...

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Day 16 of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Monica Hoffman
Jun22

Day 16 of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Monica Hoffman

  Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Monica Hoffman Website  |  Twitter Monica M. Hoffman is a Young Adult Science Fiction and Fantasy author represented by Laurie McLean and Tricia Skinner of Fuse Literary. She is an active member of SCBWI and the writing community. She dislikes getting up early, but a good cup of coffee can usually motivate her. She enjoys any movie/book (particularly fantasy and Sci-fi) that can make her cry, laugh, or gets her blood pumping from an adrenaline rush. She’s a Trekkie, Dr. Who, and Star Wars fanatic, and a PC gamer when she’s not writing or reading. You can find her tweets about all things YA lit & entertaining GIFs on Twitter (@mmhoffman14) and Facebook.     The 500 Word Critique . . . Adult Her “excuse-me’s” fell on deaf ears as she made her way against the current of people.  Greasy carnival food smells lingered in the wind. [Perhaps the highlighted sentence should be at the beginning? The first sentence as it stands falls flat. You want to grab the reader from the start and who doesn’t like food?] Natalie’d been to Austin’s Capital City Bluebonnet Festival before, but the sweaty crowd today was mob-like. The Texas sun heated the asphalt like a deep fryer. The “Keep Austin Weird” t-shirt she wore matched the ambience of the crowd. From the true hippies to the hipsters, the crowd moved as one. [I like this opening. The reader knows exactly where the characters is and a little about who the character is and how she fits into her environment. Think about adding a bit more about the types of food smells and how the heat affects her directly. Are there sweet smells of fried funnel cakes or savory aromas from the pork sausage? Is the heat from the asphalt warm the soles of her shoes? What sounds are around your character? What do the booths look like?] She...

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Day 15 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Kit Frick
Jun21

Day 15 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Kit Frick

  Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Kit Frick Twitter  |  Website Born and raised in Pittsburgh, PA, Kit Frick has been living in various parts of NY state since 2000. A triple-threat with a ballpoint pen, she writes poetry and young adult fiction and edits professionally for Black Lawrence Press and Copper Lantern Studio. Her fiction is represented by Erin Harris at Folio/Folio Jr. Kit holds an MFA in Creative Writing from Syracuse University and has studied with book editors, copyeditors, and literary agents through NYU’s Center for Publishing. When she’s not working, you can find Kit reading, hanging out with her husband and cats, tinkering with recipes, and revisiting her adolescence through television. (My So-Called Life, 4-eva!)   The 500 Word Critique . . . Adult Contemporary Romance Cheese is undoubtedly the most luscious food. It melts sumptuously like sin on a cracker. It has the magical ability to make you forget loser boyfriends and rejection letters. All of them. It is gluttonous, sexy and inexpensive. Convenient! [I love how these opening sentences—which take place entirely within the MC’s mind—set us up for something entirely different than the setting you’re about to establish.] But, as I loomed over stall number three in Brooklyn’s Parker Middle School with multiple reasons why I loved fromage swirled fresh in my mind, I seriously reconsidered my stance on cheese. [OK, so here we are in a middle school bathroom in Brooklyn—not the place we were expecting to find an ode to cheese! The connection is surprising and immediately effective as we read on.] “Damn Taco Tuesday!” The echo of my voice within the blue tiled bathroom startled me into a fit of laughter. The worn wooden handle on the mop I clung to vibrated between my fingers as I stamped it violently onto the ground. With each investigation I found more splat hidden in a corner, mocking me with cheesy remnants. [Ah-ha! Through these setting-specific...

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Day 15 of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Kip Rechea
Jun21

Day 15 of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Kip Rechea

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Kip Rechea Kip Rechea Twitter  |  Website Kip Wilson Rechea is a young adult writer represented by Roseanne Wells of the Jennifer De Chiara Literary Agency. She has a Ph.D. in German Literature and a passion for books, languages, and travel. Her work has appeared in the TIMELESS and SPAIN FROM A BACKPACK anthologies, as well as FACES, COBBLESTONE, APPLESEEDS, LEARNING THROUGH HISTORY, and TRANSITIONS ABROAD magazines. She’s also proud to be the Poetry Editor at YARN: The YA Review Network and the Events Editor at Mommy Poppins Boston. She lives in Boston with her cute Spanish husband and mischievous twins, and is hard at work on several projects for young adults. The 500 Word Critique . . . Middle Grade Horror “Why did the mermaid cross the road?” Oh mouth, you’re going to get me killed, thought Kelsey. [Starting with dialogue certainly throws the reader right into the action, but it can be disorienting to be thrust somewhere with no details on what it looks, sounds, or smells like there.] “What?” Boomed the Kraken and if he was disturbed before, he was murderous now.  [This is picky, but this line is a bit clunky and took me out of the world of this story since this is only the second paragraph.] “Who? Who got out? Was it that gangly looking one with the big head? Now I’ll never get my five dollars back.” [This might be a good spot to throw in a line or two to describe the Kraken and the setting.] “No, Mr…Kraken. It’s a joke.” Shut. Up Kelsey. Shut up-shut up-shut up. [At this point I’m ready for the voice/humor and chuckled at this line. Nice.] The Kraken blinked. Kelsey cleared her throat. “A joke. You know. Just a…pretend scenario designed to make…uhm…one laugh, often applied during tense moments. Or during slightly uncomfortable situations.” Blink. She thought goodbyes at the people she would never see again. “Say it again,” snapped the...

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FORGET TOMORROW by Pitch Wars mentor, Pintip Dunn … on sale now for only $0.99!
Jun21

FORGET TOMORROW by Pitch Wars mentor, Pintip Dunn … on sale now for only $0.99!

Amazon | Amazon CA | Amazon UK | Barnes & Noble | iBooks | Kobo  For a limited time only, FORGET TOMORROW by Pitch Wars mentor Pintip Dunn is on sale for $0.99! If you like YA science fiction about difficult moral choices, this is the book for you! Grab this RWA RITA® nominee for Best First Book today!   Author: Pintip Dunn Title: FORGET TOMORROW Release Date: Nov. 3, 2015 Publisher: Entangled TEEN Synopsis: Imagine a world where your destiny has already been decided…by your future self. It’s Callie’s seventeenth birthday and, like everyone else, she’s eagerly awaiting her vision-a memory sent back in time to sculpt each citizen into the person they’re meant to be. A world-class swimmer. A renowned scientist. Or in Callie’s case, a criminal. In her vision, she sees herself murdering her gifted younger sister. Before she can process what it means, Callie is arrested and placed in Limbo-a hellish prison for those destined to break the law. With the help of her childhood crush, Logan, a boy she hasn’t spoken to in five years, she escapes. But on the run from her future, as well as the government, Callie sets in motion a chain of events that she hopes will change her fate. If not, she must figure out how to protect her sister from the biggest threat of all-Callie, herself. Add to FORGET TOMORROW to your GoodReads shelf. Author bio: website  facebook  twitter  instagram Pintip Dunn graduated from Harvard University, magna cum laude, with an A.B. in English Literature and Language. She received her J.D. at Yale Law School, where she was an editor of the YALE LAW JOURNAL. She also published an article in the YALE LAW JOURNAL, entitled, “How Judges Overrule: Speech Act Theory and the Doctrine of Stare Decisis.” Pintip is represented by literary agent Beth Miller of Writers House. Her debut novel, FORGET TOMORROW, is a finalist in the Best First Book category of RWA’s RITA® contest. She is a member of Romance Writers of America, Washington Romance Writers, YARWA, and The Golden Network. She lives with her husband and children in Maryland. You can learn more about Pintip and her books at www.pintipdunn.com....

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Day 14 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Rebecca Petruck
Jun20

Day 14 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Rebecca Petruck

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Rebecca Petruck Twitter | Website Rebecca is the author of the middle grade novels Steering Toward Normal (ABRAMS/Amulet, 2014) and Will Nolan Eats Bugs (ABRAMS/Amulet, Fall 2017). Steering Toward Normal is a Blue Ribbon winner as a Best Book of 2014 by the BCCB, an American Booksellers Association Indies Introduce New Voices selection, as well as a Kids Indie Next List title. Vanity Fair’s Hollywood dubbed it a “book we’d like to see made into a film,” and the L.A. Times included Steering Toward Normal in its Summer Books Preview. Rebecca is a Minnesota girl, though she also has lived in Louisiana, Mississippi, New York, England, Connecticut and, currently, North Carolina. A former member of 4-H, she was also a Girl Scout, a cheerleader, and competed in MathCounts. She holds an MFA in Creative Writing, Fiction, from UNC Wilmington, and is represented by Kate Testerman of kt literary.   The 500 Word Critique . . . Middle Grade Adventure [This is identified as MG adventure, yet the tone feels YA. My sense is the adventure part will happen in the snowy woods during the ski trip (and perhaps involve foiling robbers). (Jessica’s external issue) Jessica’s internal/emotional issue seems to be coping with her father’s continuing grief for his lost wife while Jessica is ready to move on. I think this could complement an adventure story because her decisions/actions/reactions will be different from her peers who have not experienced death as closely as Jessica has. She is also likely to hesitate at a key moment, thinking, “Dad can’t lose me, too.” There are two levels of Setting in every story: the literal Place, and the situational Set Up. All I know of this Place is that it’s snowy and perhaps has unpredictable and stranding squalls? I do wonder why a group of MGers are more interested in cross-country than downhill skiing. Downhill is fast and fun and...

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The Marked Son by Shea Berkley … on sale now for $0.99!
Jun20

The Marked Son by Shea Berkley … on sale now for $0.99!

Now on sale for $0.99!  Amazon Barnes & Noble About the book … Seventeen-year-old Dylan Kennedy always knew something was different about him, but until his mother abandoned him in the middle of Oregon with grandparents he’s never met, he had no idea what. When Dylan sees a girl in white in the woods behind his grandparents’ farm, he knows he’s seen her before…in his dreams. He’s felt her fear. Heard her insistence that only he can save her world from an evil lord who uses magic and fear to feed his greed for power. Unable to shake the unearthly pull to Kera, Dylan takes her hand. Either he’s completely insane or he’s about to have the adventure of his life, because where they’re going is full of creatures he’s only read about in horror stories. Worse, the human blood in his veins has Dylan marked for death… Praise for The Marked Son … “Reading Shea Berkley is like watching magic unfold before your eyes. THE MARKED SON is written with such intrigue and depth, I could not get enough of this delicious tale. I’m hopelessly lost and can hardly wait to see what jewels Berkley has in store for us next.” ~ Darynda Jones, author of First Grave on the Right Excerpt … The Beginning If I never dream again, I’ll fade away Until I’m only a breath of memories that can’t stay. Dreaming   I was eight the first time I saw the girl. Mom freaked when I told her, said I was letting a girl terrorize my dreams, but I didn’t get it. They were dreams, not nightmares. I don’t remember ever waking up afraid. Not back then. So when the dreams kept coming, year after year, each one more vivid than the last, I held onto them like a skydiver clutching his ripcord. No way would I let Mom take them away from me. It’s been years since she’s asked me about the girl, but lately Mom’s been curious. I tell her I haven’t had a dream in awhile. She eyes me like I’m lying. So what if I am? I may not remember everything about my dreams when I wake up, but I do know when I’m about to have one.  My scalp tingles, like tiny bugs zap, zap, zapping along my skin. The darkness behind my lids turns smoky. I’ve tried to pull away at that point but it’s no use. I don’t fight it now. Instead I sink into the thick air and come out the other side into a world that is nothing like the one I know… Yet, it’s familiar....

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Day 14 of the June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor McKelle George
Jun20

Day 14 of the June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor McKelle George

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor McKelle George   Twitter | Website McKelle George is a senior editor at Jolly Fish Press, author of young adult novels, repped by Katie Grimm of Don Congdon Associates, and member of SCWBI. She has a B.S. in English/Creative Writing from Brigham Young University and an A.A. in Illustration from Snow College. She is a traveler and nomad, an exclusively self-pleasing artist, lover of quiet adventures, and banned book and library advocate. The 500 Word Critique . . . New Adult Horror/Post Apocalyptic Ivy laughed. The smile on Aiden’s face as he recounted his venture outside Quarantine Zone Five momentarily distracted her. He had a way of transforming his nightmarish undertakings into PG adventures. Ivy glanced out from under the weathered tent flap at the other Caretakers. They bustled from one triage tent to another, focused and somber. And here she was flirting with a cute guy. Well, he was the one flirting. She returned her attention to the cut above Aiden’s thick eyebrow and carefully cleaned his forehead so she could examine the wound. “You almost need stitches this time,” Ivy said. He glanced over his shoulder toward the four new arrivals heading to the holding area. That was his job – going into the city, finding survivors, and bringing them back – and he was good at it, the best. Most Runners came back empty handed or with one or two people. “Was worth it.” His dark brown gaze lifted to Ivy from where he sat on the examination cot. Pride filled his eyes. Any shock or trauma he experienced from the horrors he witnessed in the city, he kept hidden. “Suppose it was.” Ivy grabbed the antibiotic and smeared a dab across the wound. Four survivors were great. It really was, but the one person Ivy was searching for wasn’t among them. Aiden’s thumb tugged down her chin. Her bottom lip popped out from between her...

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Day 13 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Carrie Callaghan
Jun17

Day 13 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Carrie Callaghan

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Carrie Callaghan Twitter | Website Carrie Callaghan lives in Maryland with her family. She loves seasons of all kinds, history, and tea. Her fiction has appeared in Silk Road, The MacGuffin, Mulberry Fork Review, and elsewhere. Carrie is also a senior editor with the Washington Independent Review of books, and is represented by Shannon Hassan of Marsal Lyon. She’d love to hear from you at www.carriecallaghan.com or on Twitter @carriecallaghan. The 500 Word Critique . . . Adult Contemporary Romance [Thank you for sharing your writing with me!] The first time I met Cooper Tucker, I wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face. For starters, he had the most pretentious name. [This is an interesting voice, but it gives us little concrete information to grab onto. We can’t see the narrator, Cooper, the place, or the time.] Also, he walked around through [I thought he was walking outside the house, around it] our house like he owned the place [What kind of house? Cape Cod? Farmhouse? Suburban? The use of one specific word will start to ground us instantly. Even better, finish this sentence with a physical description: “with his Nirvana t-shirt tossed over one bare shoulder as he ran his fingers through his just-showered hair”], and usually in a very limited wardrobe[This is arch, so contributes to the voice, but does nothing to show us the scene. Don’t make your reader guess what a very limited wardrobe looks like]. Really, I shouldn’t complain about that, but his sexy body made him creep into my dreams more than I wanted. Not to mention, my first wet dream? Him. Cooper. [Wet dream made me think the narrator was a man. Since this is the first piece of personal information we have about the narrator as a body, not just a voice with emotions, I’d suggest choosing something more concrete and less ambiguous.] It pissed...

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Day 13 of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor J.R. Yates
Jun17

Day 13 of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor J.R. Yates

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor J.R. Yates Twitter | Website J. R. Yates is a word nerd through and through. When she isn’t writing or reading, she practices as a pediatric speech-language pathologist (SLP) and herds her three bilingual children. She often jokes that she spends all day at work trying to get kids to talk, and the rest of her time at home trying to get her kids to stop! Married to the love of her life, her favorite moments are quiet evenings with her husband sharing a nice glass of wine at their home in the Canadian Rocky Mountains. Time alone, hiding out in a café, writing about sexy heroes that shred her heart is her bliss. She is represented by Stacey Donaghy with Donaghy Literary Group.   The 500 Word Critique . . . Adult Memoir I slip into the cramped room. This would be much stronger if you show us that it’s cramped, rather than tell. You could do something like: I slip into the postage stamp sized room, overflowing with… Also, is it a church? A community hall? I don’t have a sense of this until they pull their Bibles out later. Small groups of women sit in foldable chairs around rectangular tables. This is another nice opportunity to show how cramped it is. Are their knees touching? Tables bookended? When showing the setting, choose descriptors that add to what you’re trying to show us; in this case that the room is cramped. Their voices blend together into a murmur of unintelligible words. I take a seat [when your character is interacting with the setting, these are your best opportunities to show the setting. e.g., I pull out a rickety metal chair, the legs uneven…] at an adjoining table and pull a Bible from my bag [messenger bag? Purse? Again, while your character is interacting with the environment, add texture and other small details to fill in...

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