VLOG: How to Raise a Book Baby
Jun22

VLOG: How to Raise a Book Baby

As you gear up for Pitch Wars, remember: It’s important to give your book baby the attention it deserves before sending it out into the real world so it’ll succeed. Revision and sharing it with others in the writing community are all important parts of the process. What are you currently doing to prep your book baby for Pitch Wars?  ...

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Day 16 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Dannie Morin
Jun22

Day 16 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Dannie Morin

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Dannie Morin Twitter  |  Website Dannie Morin is an addictions therapist with a writing problem. By day she alternates between counseling teens and wrangling a very sassy toddler. By night she writes, critiques, and edits like a boss. When she’s not doing any of those things, she’s a compulsive participant in the Carolinas Region of SCBWI and a regular Snarky Sue in online Pitch Contests. Dannie pens young adult and new adult fiction in Charlotte, North Carolina.     The 500 Word Critique . . . YA Fantasy Andrea’s gaze traced a stack stone wall that crumbled down to nowhere as they passed. These are great details but I got a bit tripped up by the alliteration of stacked stone. I’m also not sure if ‘crumbled down to nowhere’ is happening actively in the scene. If so, you might consider making these two sentences. ‘Andrea’s gaze traced a stacked stone wall. It crumbled down to nowhere as they passed. More subjectively, I’m not crazy about ‘crumbled down to nowhere’. ‘Nowhere’ doesn’t help me picture this. She found something magical I can’t tell if this is literal or figurative. Did she literally find something magical? If so, being more specific would be good here. If you’re being more figurative, and that’s my guess here, you might use a different verb besides ‘found’. in the old ruins old ruins is a little redundant. You might consider a stronger adjective that gives us some sensory detail scattered everywhere another instance here where specificity would allow this to resonate more with the reader. It was Those Random pillars that once supported a temple to the Greek gods, and the pieces of rock with ancient carvings rubbed down from the years that first sparked her wonder for a time long ago. This is another sentence that reads a little clunky for me. I tried to clean it up, but that’s just...

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Day 16 of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Monica Hoffman
Jun22

Day 16 of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Monica Hoffman

  Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Monica Hoffman Website  |  Twitter Monica M. Hoffman is a Young Adult Science Fiction and Fantasy author represented by Laurie McLean and Tricia Skinner of Fuse Literary. She is an active member of SCBWI and the writing community. She dislikes getting up early, but a good cup of coffee can usually motivate her. She enjoys any movie/book (particularly fantasy and Sci-fi) that can make her cry, laugh, or gets her blood pumping from an adrenaline rush. She’s a Trekkie, Dr. Who, and Star Wars fanatic, and a PC gamer when she’s not writing or reading. You can find her tweets about all things YA lit & entertaining GIFs on Twitter (@mmhoffman14) and Facebook.     The 500 Word Critique . . . Adult Her “excuse-me’s” fell on deaf ears as she made her way against the current of people.  Greasy carnival food smells lingered in the wind. [Perhaps the highlighted sentence should be at the beginning? The first sentence as it stands falls flat. You want to grab the reader from the start and who doesn’t like food?] Natalie’d been to Austin’s Capital City Bluebonnet Festival before, but the sweaty crowd today was mob-like. The Texas sun heated the asphalt like a deep fryer. The “Keep Austin Weird” t-shirt she wore matched the ambience of the crowd. From the true hippies to the hipsters, the crowd moved as one. [I like this opening. The reader knows exactly where the characters is and a little about who the character is and how she fits into her environment. Think about adding a bit more about the types of food smells and how the heat affects her directly. Are there sweet smells of fried funnel cakes or savory aromas from the pork sausage? Is the heat from the asphalt warm the soles of her shoes? What sounds are around your character? What do the booths look like?] She...

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