Day 13 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Carrie Callaghan
Jun17

Day 13 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Carrie Callaghan

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Carrie Callaghan Twitter | Website Carrie Callaghan lives in Maryland with her family. She loves seasons of all kinds, history, and tea. Her fiction has appeared in Silk Road, The MacGuffin, Mulberry Fork Review, and elsewhere. Carrie is also a senior editor with the Washington Independent Review of books, and is represented by Shannon Hassan of Marsal Lyon. She’d love to hear from you at www.carriecallaghan.com or on Twitter @carriecallaghan. The 500 Word Critique . . . Adult Contemporary Romance [Thank you for sharing your writing with me!] The first time I met Cooper Tucker, I wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face. For starters, he had the most pretentious name. [This is an interesting voice, but it gives us little concrete information to grab onto. We can’t see the narrator, Cooper, the place, or the time.] Also, he walked around through [I thought he was walking outside the house, around it] our house like he owned the place [What kind of house? Cape Cod? Farmhouse? Suburban? The use of one specific word will start to ground us instantly. Even better, finish this sentence with a physical description: “with his Nirvana t-shirt tossed over one bare shoulder as he ran his fingers through his just-showered hair”], and usually in a very limited wardrobe[This is arch, so contributes to the voice, but does nothing to show us the scene. Don’t make your reader guess what a very limited wardrobe looks like]. Really, I shouldn’t complain about that, but his sexy body made him creep into my dreams more than I wanted. Not to mention, my first wet dream? Him. Cooper. [Wet dream made me think the narrator was a man. Since this is the first piece of personal information we have about the narrator as a body, not just a voice with emotions, I’d suggest choosing something more concrete and less ambiguous.] It pissed...

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Day 13 of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor J.R. Yates
Jun17

Day 13 of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor J.R. Yates

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor J.R. Yates Twitter | Website J. R. Yates is a word nerd through and through. When she isn’t writing or reading, she practices as a pediatric speech-language pathologist (SLP) and herds her three bilingual children. She often jokes that she spends all day at work trying to get kids to talk, and the rest of her time at home trying to get her kids to stop! Married to the love of her life, her favorite moments are quiet evenings with her husband sharing a nice glass of wine at their home in the Canadian Rocky Mountains. Time alone, hiding out in a café, writing about sexy heroes that shred her heart is her bliss. She is represented by Stacey Donaghy with Donaghy Literary Group.   The 500 Word Critique . . . Adult Memoir I slip into the cramped room. This would be much stronger if you show us that it’s cramped, rather than tell. You could do something like: I slip into the postage stamp sized room, overflowing with… Also, is it a church? A community hall? I don’t have a sense of this until they pull their Bibles out later. Small groups of women sit in foldable chairs around rectangular tables. This is another nice opportunity to show how cramped it is. Are their knees touching? Tables bookended? When showing the setting, choose descriptors that add to what you’re trying to show us; in this case that the room is cramped. Their voices blend together into a murmur of unintelligible words. I take a seat [when your character is interacting with the setting, these are your best opportunities to show the setting. e.g., I pull out a rickety metal chair, the legs uneven…] at an adjoining table and pull a Bible from my bag [messenger bag? Purse? Again, while your character is interacting with the environment, add texture and other small details to fill in...

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DAYBREAK RISING by Kiran Oliver . . . cover reveal!
Jun17

DAYBREAK RISING by Kiran Oliver . . . cover reveal!

  TITLE: DAYBREAK RISING AUTHOR: Kiran Oliver PUBLISHER: Torquere Press RELEASE DATE: September 21, 2016 GENRE: Fantasy Cover designed by the amazing artist Kris Norris over at Torquere Press. GoodReads TBR  |  Torquere Press (sign up for newsletter to know when DAYBREAK RISING is available for pre-order)   About the book . . . 22-year-old Celosia Brennan spent sixteen years being raised as the heroine her nation needed. A dual-touched Elementalist with both the power to conjure fire and see glimpses of her future, Celosia was the best hope at overthrowing the oppressive Council in a mission called Daybreak, an attempt to secure justice for the massacre of her people and so many others. There’s just one problem: she couldn’t. Celosia broke down after realizing the enormity of her task, and is struggling to make things right while the blood of her fellows stains her hands. Now branded a failure, Celosia desperately volunteers for the next mission: taking down the corrupt Council with a team of her fellow elementally-gifted mages. Leading the Ember Operative gives Celosia her last hope at redemption. They seek to overthrow the Council once and for all, this time bringing the fight to Valeria, the largest city under the Council’s iron grip. But Celosia’s new teammates don’t trust her—all except for a powerful ice Elementalist named Ianthe who believes in second chances. With Council spies, uncontrolled magic, and the distraction of unexpected love, Celosia will have to win the trust of her teammates and push her abilities to the breaking point to complete the Ember Operative. Except if she falters this time, there won’t be any Elementalists left to stop the Council from taking over not only her country, but their entire world.     Kiran Oliver Twitter  |  Goodreads  |  Facebook Kiran Oliver is a Southern New Hampshire University graduate having majored in Communication with a PR focus. He currently attends Free Code Camp in the hope of earning a certificate in Full Stack Web Development while working as a freelance technology journalist. When he’s not writing for work, he’s creating novels such as DAYBREAK RISING for fun. When not daydreaming about lesbian pirates, queer lady paladins, or dragons, Kiran can be found at the gym or playing MMOs. He resides in New Zealand with his wife Elizabeth, their cat, Ember, and soon to be a puppy named Zephyr....

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