Day 11 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Beth Hull
Jun15

Day 11 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Beth Hull

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Beth Hull Twitter | Website  Beth Hull is a writer represented by Logan Garrison at the Gernet Company. She graduated from Dominican University of California with a Bachelor of Arts degree in English emphasizing Creative Writing, and earned a Master’s Degree in Linguistics from UC Davis. Some of her short stories have been published in Bourbon Penn and Cast of Wonders. Beth is a member of the SCBWI. The 500 Word Critique . . . New Adult Fantasy “I don’t want to go to another school,” Moriah said, taking a seat [this would be the perfect place to say where they are, i.e. “…taking a seat in front of the principal’s desk…” and a great place to incorporate some character-related setting detail, maybe something that hints at the otherworldliness of Moriah and his mother]. [new paragraph]Mother lifted her brows as she turned back to him. [new paragraph]“If they send me home, you’re going to take me some place else.” [add dialogue tag so it’s clear that this is Moriah speaking] In his nine years of life, they’d bounced around Milwaukee, Cleveland, Lansing, and now Chicago’s South Side. [nice job getting the geography and his age all together. For some reason I missed his age during my first read, though, & I thought he was much older, like in high school] The idea of doing it again made his stomach churn. [new paragraph]Before Mother could respond, the door opened [what door? where are they? Because it isn’t stated explicitly before this, the reader is pulled out of the narrative to wonder] and a man in relatively casual, if trim, attire [I’m not getting a good picture of this. Better to use specifics, e.g. “jeans and a sweater—something Principal Emerson definitely would not have worn”] approached. Thick muscle gave his green sweater form, and his heavy boots thumped against the ground. [“tile floor” instead of “ground”—make your nouns work for your setting] “Good morning,”...

Read More
Day 11 of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Rosalyn Eves
Jun15

Day 11 of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Rosalyn Eves

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Rosalyn Eves Twitter | Website  Rosalyn Eves is a writer of romantic, lyrical, atmospheric young adult fantasy novels. Her first novel, BLOOD ROSE REBELLION, a historical fantasy set at the height of the Austro-Hungarian empire (with magic!) debuts March 2017 from Knopf/Random House. The 500 Word Critique . . . Young Adult Fantasy Now that my brothers are men, shoulders broad and corded with muscle, and I am almost a woman myself, there are moments when I think that they want to hit me. I see it in their eyes after I’ve spoken, or when they look up to see me join them at evening meal. Smash smash smash, their faces say, but their bodies stay still and controlled. (I’m intrigued by the conflict here—I want to know why her brothers resent her and why it’s their growing older that seems to have changed things. The slightly formal language suggests to me that this isn’t contemporary, but I don’t have any sense of where or when this is taking place. I think you can drop a few more hints here, maybe something about their eyes above their beards, or seeing them when she emerges from the women’s tent, etc.) It’s not all my brothers who want to hurt me, which is good because I have nine of them. It’s mostly Levi and Jude, though the others have little love for me, except for Ruben the firstborn.(These names make me think we’re dealing with a biblical story of Jacob’s sons, which helps ground me a little since I know the story, but I still want more grounding in terms of place and time. I also want to know why the brothers don’t love her, and why Levi and Jude in particular want to hurt her.) At the moment, Levi and Jude swim somewhere under my feet as they follow me to the surface. (I want a little more transition...

Read More