Day 5 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Marty Mayberry
Jun07

Day 5 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Marty Mayberry

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Marty Mayberry Website |Twitter Marty Mayberry writes young adult and adult stories and infuses all of them with romance. When she’s not dreaming up ways to mess with her character’s lives, she works as an RN/Clinical Documentation Specialist. She has a BA in International Affairs in German and an Associate’s Degree in Nursing. She lives in Maine with her husband, children, and three neurotic cats. She’s a member of SCBWI, YARWA, and a PRO member of RWA. Give her a long walk on a powdery beach, an ancient ruin to explore, or a good book, and her life’s complete. Her young adult sci-fi thriller, PHOENIX RISING, won the 2015 YARWA’s Rosemary Award for speculative fiction. She’s represented by Jessica Watterson of the Dijkstra Agency.   The 500 Word Critique . . . YA Fantasy Evening featured so prominently in tales I’d heard of the Magic Merchants Market that, at two hours after sunset, I was surprised to find it already bustling with bargain hunters. (To me, these two thoughts don’t correlate. How does evening and the market lead to her being surprised to find it bustling with bargain hunters? If it features prominently, wouldn’t she expect to find it bustling? I wonder if you want to tighten this up and make it more of a hook.) On a tide of people, I was swept into the marketplace with its smells of sweat and perfume, spices and cooked meat (I love that you’re incorporating other senses already! You could actually start with this sentence, since it begins with character, rather than setting. For example: A tide of bargain hunters swept me into the Magic Merchants Marketplace, with its smells of sweat and perfume, spices and cooked meat. The time (2 hours after sunset) doesn’t seem to matter—yet—in this scene.). Every so often (<I’d cut this. I’m not sure you need it and it slows your pace. Jump right into...

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Day 5 of June Setting Workshop With Pitch Wars Mentor Jami Nord
Jun07

Day 5 of June Setting Workshop With Pitch Wars Mentor Jami Nord

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Jami Nord Website | Chimera Editing | Twitter Jami has interned for Entangled publishing, Bree Ogden (while at D4EO), and The Bent Agency. She has experience handling extensive amounts of slush and evaluating hundreds of manuscripts in reports. Her love of books led her to a BA in English. She adores stories with a strong voice no matter the genre, and routinely reads all forms of speculative fiction, romance and erotica, thrillers, mysteries, contemporary (especially dark ones), and pretty much any random novel that transports her to another world. She’s followed the publishing industry for over a decade, though only had the courage to risk a professional move when she upended her life to move cross country from Texas to Philadelphia in 2012. She freelance edits as part of Chimeraediting.com, usually hogging all the steamy romances and dark fantasy. The 500 Word Critique . . . New Adult Thriller   My brain screams at me that it’s impossible, that it couldn’t be her, but the web of things that make up my flesh—veins, muscles, bones —are liquefying inside me.(This is really punchy as an opening, but it’s vague. I don’t get the connection between this and the next paragraph, either, making this feel disconnected from the real start of the story.) I slam my diary closed and it makes my gold necklaces jingle—hanging from the decorative twisted wire fence that sits atop my vanity. hanging from the twisted wire fence atop my vanity jingle. It was once a piece of garden décor that held little pouches of bird seeds by it’s scrolled hooks in a Victorian garden, at least that was what the gray haired lady at the thrift store had told me. She claimed she had the great idea to cut it down to make a dozen necklace holders, thinking it to be a shame to trash such fine artistic work like that. I agreed with her. It...

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