Day 4 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Trisha Leaver
Jun06

Day 4 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Trisha Leaver

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Trisha Leaver www.trishaleaver.com | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram Trisha Leaver lives on Cape Cod with her husband, three children, and one rather irreverent black lab. She is a chronic daydreamer who prefers the cozy confines of her own imagination to the mundane routine of everyday life. She writes Young Adult Contemporary Fiction, Psychological Horror, Historical Fiction, and Science Fiction and is published with FSG/ Macmillan, Flux/Llewellyn and Merit Press. Her YA Contemporary novel, THE SECRETS WE KEEP was named one of the best YA novels for summer by Teen Vogue and received a starred review from VOYA who praised its strong characterization and compelling premise, labeling it a book guaranteed to engage reluctant readers and keep them enthralled. The 500 Word Critique . . . YA Contemporary Romance “We make an interesting pair,” Chrys said with a laugh, Lucy strutting in her power red dress, Chrys plodding (I would use a different word here) a kitchen-stained t-shirt and shorts. Their outfits got more distinct (why…did they change their clothes or are they more out of place in this particular section of town?) when they decided on a whim to walk up the green hill waves (do you mean waves of green hills. This phrasing insinuates that they are in the country, when the sentence below states that they are actually in a café. I would using phrasing that better suits the setting here.) up to the Lotus Grand and sit at one of their outdoor cafes. The one they chose happened to have one of the best views of the ocean and golf course. Lucy ignored the snooty hostess behind the podium (delete/ implied) when she lifted her nose at Chrys’s dowdy outfit. She stepped in front of Chrys and gave a wide, teethy smile. (She didn’t ignore the hostess – she stepped in front of Chrys and gave her a smile. What she did ignore was her condescending attitude....

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Day 4 of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Fiona McLaren
Jun06

Day 4 of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Fiona McLaren

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Fiona McLaren   Twitter | Blog Fiona is a freelance writer and scriptwriter, currently working on a feature length animation for children with an independent production company. She has ghost written novels, created over 100 childrens books for a international childrens charity, published in excess of 100 articles, short stories and features. In addition, she has written DVD narrations, interned at two literary agencies and works as a long-term content and copywriter with a marketing firm. However, the most important things in her heart are her two brightest stars in the sky, Hugo and Harry, and her light on earth, Roger. The 500 Word Critique . . . Middle Grade Mystery   “We are the unnoticed. Rarely acknowledged, or seen. The ones in the periphery. Floating along as ghosts.” – The Blur Society — Believe it or not, this actually is an oblique way of hinting at your setting/atmosphere, which is very nice. It sets the reader up for a whimsical, slightly creepy vibe, so we know what we’re getting into. Atmosphere and setting go hand in hand so this works well. CHAPTER 1 Fighting off alligators is not at all unusual in this foul swamp. The extraordinary size of this particular beast, however, is. Hastily scouring the area for any weaponry nature can supply, Irwin rips a vine from a tree, cracking it like a whip. – By using specific details as opposed to general ones, you will be able to paint a more vivid scene. The key to great descriptions are the unique details. These are what make the scene come alive. For example, look at the bolded words here: “Hastily scouring the marsh for any weaponry the cattails and black alder might be hiding, Irwin rips a vine wrapped around a cypress tree, cracking it like a whip.” The wicked snap enlightens the reptile to his presence, turning its attention away from the girl...

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