Day 2 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Jenni Walsh
Jun02

Day 2 (Part 2) of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Jenni Walsh

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Jenni Walsh  Twitter | Website Jenni L. Walsh spends her days knee deep in words in Philadelphia’s suburbia. Copywriting, freelance editing, blogging, mentoring for Pitch Wars, and authoring—she does it all, and loves every second of it. Jenni’s passion lies in transporting readers to another world, be it in historical or contemporary settings. Becoming Bonnie (Tor, 2017) is her debut novel, telling the untold story of how church-going Bonnelyn Parker becomes half of the infamous Bonnie and Clyde duo during the Roaring 20s. The novel has been optioned for TV/film by Edyson Entertainment. The 500 Word Critique . . . YA Contemporary Romance/Suspense      The last threads of sunlight were bleeding away under a violet brushed sky (what time of year is it? Is your book set in a specific state?). Amanda bumbled along (from where? to where?) with her head down, her mind racing. She had been careless lately, taking chances in school, setting herself up to be found out. But there was no way she could get through the day without her crutch. She continued to shuffle along the sidewalk (Suburbia? City? What are her surroundings?) until the peal of screeching rubber shattered her thoughts, jolting her insides. Her head snapped up, as a car (old? Shiny new? Expensive?) careened to a stop in front of her (Is this the only car on the street?).   A cacophony of hoots filled the air. “Hey,” a shrill voice squealed, “Wonder if loser Amanda is on her way to Joe’s again, trying to get him to like her.”      No…Jessica Martin. Go away! Amidst the loud music, giggles and finger pointing (Can Amanda tell how many are in the car?), Jessica’s nasty glare fixed on her from the back seat (what does Jessica look like?). “Don’t even think you’ve got a chance with Joe Finelli. I told you to stay away from him. He is so...

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Day 2 of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Kelly Siskind
Jun02

Day 2 of June Setting Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Kelly Siskind

Welcome to June’s Setting Workshop! From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample chosen by the writers from a place he or she felt needed help with setting. We hope that not only you’ll learn a little bit about setting that you can apply to your own writing, but that you’ll also be able to get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors and their editing styles. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Kelly Siskind  Website  |  Twitter Kelly is the author of CHASING CRAZY and MY PERFECT MISTAKE, the latter being the first of her Over the Top series, all published through Grand Central’s Forever Yours. A small-town girl at heart, she moved from the city to open a cheese shop with her husband in northern Ontario. When she’s not neck deep in cheese or out hiking, you can find her, notepad in hand, scribbling down one of the many plot bunnies bouncing around in her head. She laughs at her own jokes and has been known to eat her feelings—gummy Bears heal all. She’s also an incurable romantic, devouring romance novels into the wee hours of the morning. The 500 Word Critique . . . Adult Fiction It was his voice again. Whoever that man was across the alley, his singing lured her in. That soulful sound marched right up to her, confronted her and slithered around her chest every time she heard it, until she gave in. Before she knew it, Missy Storack was at her open window, secretly watching his moody gray eyes light up like a vicious storm on the Nederlander Theatre fire escape across her apartment alleyway. (Love this opening. I’m drawn in right away. It creates a slightly dark, suspenseful vibe. Wonderful!) Through practice, Missy realized the best way to slyly see what was going on from her apartment, was to slowly peer her right eye past the window frame in her bedroom. (You’ve mentioned that she is already at her open window above. To me, this implies she’d be squinting through the glass, but the actual frame would no longer be in her view. And can you describe the frame? Add one adjective to get a better sense of this apartment. Is it peeling? Freshly painted? Dented? Let us know if this is a nice apartment or more of a slummy...

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