Day 19 (The Last One) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Laura Heffernan
May26

Day 19 (The Last One) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Laura Heffernan

Welcome to May’s Voice Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate in the workshop. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample that the writer chose from his or her manuscript where he or she felt they needed help with their voice. Our hope that these samples will help you with your work and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors.We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Laura Heffernan Website  |  Twitter  |  Facebook Laura Heffernan is a reality TV addict and women’s fiction writer, represented by Michelle Richter at Fuse Literary. When she’s not watching total strangers participate in arranged marriages, drag racing queens, or cooking competitions, Laura enjoys travel, baking, board games, writing contests, and new experiences.  She’s ecstatic to be mentoring PitchWars this year for the second time. Laura lives in the Northeast with her husband and two furry little beasts, where she works as a freelance editor and tries to convince people that cookie dough is a key part of the food pyramid.       Laura’s 500 Word Critique . . . NA Fiction “I have a phone interview today with a psychic,” Chloe says as JJ shuffles into the kitchen early Friday morning in fuzzy slippers and baby– doll pajamas. Chloe is dressed for work; JJ hasn’t even flicked the crust from the corner of her eyes. I LOVE THIS LINE. GREAT WAY TO SHOW ME HOW JJ THINKS.   JJ shuffles to a cabinet, selects a mug and tea bag, and moves to the stove. She shakes the teapot. Half full. “Go ahead,” Chloe says. JJ mutters thanks as she studies Chloe’s face. A smear of iridescent white concealer floats beneath each eye—Chloe’s attempt to hide another night of too much Cabernet and not enough sleep. JJ decides not to mention it. She drops the teabag into her mug, pours the remaining hot water over it, and, still dragging her feet, moves toward the table for milk and honey. YOU’RE SHOWING ME A PRETTY MUNDANE BREAKFAST SCENE, AND I’M WONDERING IF THERE’S SOME REASON I NEED TO SEE JJ MAKING TEA. THE FIRST PART OF THIS PARAGRAPH IS GOOD, BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I’M GETTING A SENSE OF JJ AS A CHARACTER, BUT THE LAST SENTENCE DOESN’T SEEM NECESSARY (OR COULD AT LEAST BE CUT...

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