Day 11 (Part 2) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Lisa Maxwell
May16

Day 11 (Part 2) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Lisa Maxwell

Welcome to May’s Voice Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate in the workshop. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample that the writer chose from his or her manuscript where he or she felt they needed help with their voice. Our hope that these samples will help you with your work and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors.We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Lisa Maxwell Website  |  Twitter Growing up in Northeast Ohio, I spent the summers reading everything I could get my hands on. My mom often told me to put down the books and go play. I rarely listened. I liked books so much that I decided to give up the rather sensible idea that I should be a lawyer and decided instead to get a not-so-sensible degree in English. Then I decided that there couldn’t be anything better than reading books for a living and forcing other people to talk about them with me. So I got another English degree…and another one. What can I say? I make awesome life choices. More years than I want to admit later, my family moved to Birmingham, Alabama for my husband’s job. I had two small kids, no local friends, and no full-time job of my own, so I decided to try my hand at writing fiction to fill the hours. I don’t think anyone was more surprised than me to discover that I loved it. Maybe even more than just reading books for a living. Go figure. I no longer live in Alabama, and I currently teach full-time at a local college, but I’m still writing fiction for teens. I like my stories dark and magical with a splash of romance. After moving from Ohio to Pennsylvania to Illinois to Alabama (with a short stint in Italy thrown in for good measure), I now live with my family in the DC Metro area. I plan to stay indefinitely. I’m represented by Kathleen Rushall at Andrea Brown Literary Agency.   Lisa’s 500 Word Critique . . .  YA Contemporary Sunscreen is greasier than my brother’s fried chicken. With the volleyball tucked under my arm, I wipe my hands on black cotton shorts. No slippage this serve. Those newbies across the net have no idea they’re two serves from...

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Day 11 (Part 1) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Natasha Raulerson
May16

Day 11 (Part 1) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Natasha Raulerson

  Welcome to May’s Voice Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate in the workshop. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample that the writer chose from his or her manuscript where he or she felt they needed help with their voice. Our hope that these samples will help you with your work and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors.We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques. If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Natasha Raulerson Website  |  Twitter Natasha Raulerson grew up as a tomboy hanging with the guys, getting skinned knees, and swimming in the South Florida sun.Though she’s more inclined to wear dresses now, she still prefers a good pair of chucks and comfy pair of jeans. Tattoos, Jack Daniels, and hanging at the pool are three of her favorite things. An author of adult romantic suspense, by day she writes about the characters driving her imagination wild. By night she enjoys a good book, hanging with her hubs and getting snuggle attacks from her two spoiled pups. I’m represented by the amazing Laura Bradford of The Bradford Literary Agency.     Natasha’s 500 Word Critique . . . Adult Soft Science Fiction Hi Angela! First off, thanks so much for letting me read over your work. The first 500 words are very important to establish the beginning of the story and draw the reader in. Sometimes it can take a while to find the voice of the story. This beginning is slow. I have no idea who the protagonist is and nothing that connects me to her/him (I’m not even sure the gender). So essentially I feel you started in the wrong spot. Also, the writing is very stiff, almost over written. I don’t feel like you’ve relaxed into your voice to tell me a unique story. I shifted my body again, trying to ensure I was positioned as far from Amelia as possible in the tight space, Why? In 500 words this isn’t explained. Don’t drop something and then not explain it. You can try something like: Amelia sat across from me in the tight space of the (what are they even riding in?). Tension flooded the small space between us. This was our first mission together since we broke up six months ago. and fixed my gaze outside the window. The hypnotic monotony...

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