Day 6 (Part 2) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Hayley Nicole Stone
May09

Day 6 (Part 2) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Hayley Nicole Stone

  Welcome to May’s Voice Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate in the workshop. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample that the writer chose from his or her manuscript where he or she felt they needed help with their voice. Our hope that these samples will help you with your work and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors.We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques.  If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Hayley Nicole Stone Website  |  Twitter Hayley Stone has lived her entire life in sunny California, where the weather is usually perfect and nothing as exciting as a robot apocalypse ever happens. When not reading or writing, she freelances as an editor and graphic designer, falls in love with video game characters, and analyzes buildings for velociraptor entry points. She holds a bachelor’s degree in history and a minor in German from California State University, Sacramento. Her debut novel, Machinations, releases July 26th from Hydra/Random House. She loves connecting with writers and readers. Visit her on Twitter: @hayley_stone   Hayley’s 500 Word Critique . . . Middle Grade Humor, Mystery Series/7-12 year old The clock shrieked again and this time Lily my sister jumped, too, even further than me even,  which was impressive since her legs were much smaller. (Right off the bat, you can use voice here to  better establish character, backstory, and/or relationships. Is the MC a proud person? Vain? Does she love her sister? Consider the difference between what is written here versus: “… since her legs were much smaller, of course.” “… since her legs were much smaller. Mother used to say she’d get lost in the sofa, if she sat too close to the crack between the cushions.” “… since her legs were much smaller. What a scaredy cat.”) “Oh my,” Aunt Helene said softly suddenly softening her tone. “Nine o’clock already? I suppose  The Howler is trying to tell us it’s about time you two got ready for bed. There will be plenty of time for exploring tomorrow.” “The H-H-Howler?” Lily asked, her eyes growing wide as she let Missyella (a doll?) fall to the floor. “Why yes,” Aunt Helene stated in an overly cheerful voice. She took Lily’s hand and tried to walk her toward the clock. (So far, the focus of this story appears to be...

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THE RULE BOOK by Jennifer Blackwood Release Day … with excerpt and giveaway!
May09

THE RULE BOOK by Jennifer Blackwood Release Day … with excerpt and giveaway!

Cover Design: LJ Anderson, Mayhem Cover Creations Release Day: May 9, 2016 Synopsis Starr Media Second-Assistant Survival Guide 1. Don’t call your hot boss the antichrist to his face 2. Don’t stare at hot boss’s, um, package or his full sleeve of tattoos. (No. Really. Stop!) 3. Don’t get on the malicious first assistant’s bad side. 4. Don’t forget to memorize the 300-page employee manual. 5. If you value your cashmere, steer clear of boss’s dog. 6. Boss’s dimples are lust-inducing. Do. Not. Give. In. 7. “The elevator ate your clothes” is not a valid excuse for showing up to important meetings half dressed. 8. Don’t break seven of the rules within the first week of employment if you, ya know, are in dire need of money to support your sick mom. 9. Whatever you do, don’t fall for the boss. See rule eight about sick mom. 10. Never forget the rules.   Goodreads Purchase Link Amazon : http://amzn.to/1T4yGLU   Giveaway   Signed paperbacks of Unethical & Foolproof   a Rafflecopter giveaway   Direct Link: http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/0cba4250233/?     Excerpt I sat down at the table and unwrapped the Panini and frowned. Breadsticks would have hit the spot. Although, no amount of breadsticks was worth giving up a steady income, not even Luigi’s. Still, I gave a spiteful glare to my sandwich. Just in time to take me out of my garlic grieving, someone walked into the break room. The first thing I noticed was his hair. You could tell a lot about someone based off the length and style. And the clean-cut, lightly-styled golden brown hair that the guy in the plain black tee sported spoke volumes. It said “I look like I’m not trying too hard, but I carefully crafted this look of perfection for at least fifteen minutes this morning.” The second thing I noticed was this guy should be reamed for violating the dress code policy. Not that I was complaining—because, really, those tatted biceps deserved to be on full display at all times. I mentally catalogued everyone I’d spotted during Jackson’s drive-by office tour. He most definitely wasn’t part of that whirlwind of name-drops, because I’d remember those high cheekbones. And those tattoos. His arms were covered from each wrist with intricate markings, disappearing under the sleeve of his T-shirt. Some were words, some were pictures I couldn’t quite piece together without creepily staring at him. Decidedly, all were hot as hell. He smiled at me and walked over to the water cooler. He procured a teabag from his pocket, plopped it into his black coffee mug, and filled it with water. The glug glug...

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Day 6 (Part 1) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Kelly Siskind
May09

Day 6 (Part 1) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Kelly Siskind

  Welcome to May’s Voice Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate in the workshop. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample that the writer chose from his or her manuscript where he or she felt they needed help with their voice. Our hope that these samples will help you with your work and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors.We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques.  If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Kelly Siskind Website  |  Twitter Kelly is the author of CHASING CRAZY and MY PERFECT MISTAKE, the latter being the first of her Over the Top series, all published through Grand Central’s Forever Yours. A small-town girl at heart, she moved from the city to open a cheese shop with her husband in northern Ontario. When she’s not neck deep in cheese or out hiking, you can find her, notepad in hand, scribbling down one of the many plot bunnies bouncing around in her head. She laughs at her own jokes and has been known to eat her feelings—gummy Bears heal all. She’s also an incurable romantic, devouring romance novels into the wee hours of the morning.   Kelly’s 500 Word Critique . . . Adult Contemporary Romance My date is named Ed, but I’m not supposed to call him “Ed.”  He’s  Ed-something. –gar? –mund? –ward? –win? It’s important because he’s a III or a IV.  (Perfect opening. Fun. Voice is already alive.) Suffice to say, I’m thinking of him as “my date” so I won’t slip and call him “Ed.” My oldest sister picked this guy out, and I like him better than the sharky lawyer types my other sister has been setting me up with. He’s a literature PhD candidate at Harvard, but he’s mentioned it only two times.  And I’ve spent only half the date thinking about my ex. This is a good date. “So, I think this is going well,” My date (I’d like to see the “Date” in capital, too. Makes it a bit funnier, like his proper name.) says.  He’s got a lopsided smile and messy, rich kid (hyphante rich-kid) hair—like someone coated him in prep school. It’s rascally. He’s not like Angel at all. Angel’s look was tightly controlled, perfectly groomed.  He looked full of secrets, rather.  Because he was full of secrets. (I feel...

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