Day 5 (Part 2) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars mentor Jami Nord
May06

Day 5 (Part 2) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars mentor Jami Nord

Welcome to May’s Voice Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate in the workshop. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample that the writer chose from his or her manuscript where he or she felt they needed help with their voice. Our hope that these samples will help you with your work and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors.We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques.  If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones.   And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Jami Nord Twitter  |  Website  |  Chimera Editing Jami has interned for Entangled publishing, Bree Ogden (while at D4EO), and The Bent Agency. She has experience handling extensive amounts of slush and evaluating hundreds of manuscripts in reports. Her love of books led her to a BA in English. She adores stories with a strong voice no matter the genre, and routinely reads all forms of speculative fiction, romance and erotica, thrillers, mysteries, contemporary (especially dark ones), and pretty much any random novel that transports her to another world. She’s followed the publishing industry for over a decade, though only had the courage to risk a professional move when she upended her life to move cross country from Texas to Philadelphia in 2012. Jami’s 500 Word Critique . . . Adult  Contemporary Romance By the time Julianne arrived at the apartment, the sun hung lower in the sky.(This feels like it’s picking up after something else happened, but  it’s the beginning. Setting the scene is a passive way to start.)  Although daylight-savings time had begun to make the day longer, it was still difficult to avoid coming home at dusk. She hefted the bags up the front stairs and breathed a sigh of relief when her neighbor opened the security door as she reached the top. “Thanks,” Julianne said, propping the door with her thigh. “No prob, just heading out,” he said, jogging down the steps and onto the walk. (Unless the encounter with the neighbor REALLY matters, I’d start here.) Julianne struggled up the stairs with her purse and those two overflowing paper bags of groceries. Damn, when will I learn to keep handled bags with me?(We don’t know enough about her yet to want her internal monologue) “Clay, honey, open the door!” she yelled, kicking the door. “Clay?” She kicked it again. Silence. “Harrumph.” As she bent to set one...

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Day 5 (Part 1) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Kellye Garrett
May06

Day 5 (Part 1) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Kellye Garrett

  Welcome to May’s Voice Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate in the workshop. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample that the writer chose from his or her manuscript where he or she felt they needed help with their voice. Our hope that these samples will help you with your work and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors. We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques.  If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Kellye Garrett Kellye Garrett spent 8 years working in Hollywood, including a stint writing for the CBS drama Cold Case. People were always surprised to learn what she did for a living—probably because she seemed way too happy to be brainstorming ways to murder people. A former magazine editor, Kellye holds a B.S. in magazine writing from Florida A&M and an MFA in screenwriting from USC’s famed film school. Having moved back to her native New Jersey, she spends her mornings commuting to Manhattan for her job at a leading media company—while still happily brainstorming ways to commit murder. Kellye was a Pitch Wars mentee in 2014, which led to her being repped by Michelle Richter at Fuse Literary, and became a mentor last year. Twitter  |  Website   |  Blog   Kellye’s 500 Word Critique . . . YA Romance Mandy recalled a moment last summer, Luke just came out of Lake Roesiger, his hair wet and pushed flat on his head, his broad shoulders flecked with tiny water droplets glistening in the afternoon sun. (Beautiful imagery here and we definitely get a great sense of your voice but the sentence does feel a bit too long.) He smiled and threatened to throw her in the water. (Show don’t tell. Let us know exactly what he said and her response. The more you can set the scene the more we will be just as jolted as she is when she’s hit. So give this opening a bit more room to breathe, ESPECIALLY since this is your opening. You want us hooked.) Her heart fluttered at the memory, he was breathtaking. She shook her head todislodge the image, but he refused to budge.  (Love this line, using “he” over “it” is so small but does so much for the sentence and really shows your voice!) Suddenly she was hit hard from behind,...

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