Day 4 (Part 2) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Jenni Walsh
May05

Day 4 (Part 2) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentor Jenni Walsh

Welcome to May’s Voice Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate in the workshop. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample that the writer chose from his or her manuscript where he or she felt they needed help with their voice. Our hope that these samples will help you with your work and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors.We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques.  If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor Jenni Walsh Jenni L. Walsh spends her days knee deep in words in Philadelphia’s suburbia. Copywriting, freelance editing, blogging for Kick-Butt Kidlit, mentoring for Pitch Wars, and authoring—she does it all, and loves every second of it. Jenni’s passion lies in transporting readers to another world, be it in historical or contemporary settings. Becoming Bonnie (Tor, 2017) is her debut novel, telling the untold story of how Bonnelyn Parker becomes half of the infamous Bonnie and Clyde duo during the Roaring 20s. Website | Twitter | Facebook         Jenni’s 500 Word Critique . . . Young Adult Contemporary with a Science Fiction Element I wanna start by saying that voice is hard. Really hard. It’s also very subjective. But you signed up to get my subjective opinion, so here we go! 🙂 I define voice as the “personality” of your MC and writing style. And currently, the sentence structure and word use is making your writing style come across pretty formal for a young adult novel, which in turn is making your character’s voice formal and stiff. For example, let’s start with the very first sentence: I awoke to pounding at my door. “Awoke” immediately gave me pause. Why not “woke”. Better yet, begin with a more gripping first sentence that only your character would do/say. In general, I think this excerpt can be expounded, which I think aids in voice. I find that when a scene is well rounded, the character’s voice follows naturally. It’s almost as if you step into the scene, making it easier for your characters to feel real. Also, having those extra details allows you to create a rhythm with your writing as you develop your character’s stream of consciousness. A natural cadence is huge for me as a reader. I want there to be natural pauses, a natural flow, and when I get to...

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Day 4 (Part 1) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars mentor J.C. Nelson
May05

Day 4 (Part 1) of May’s Voice Workshop with Pitch Wars mentor J.C. Nelson

Welcome to May’s Voice Workshop with some of our amazing Pitch Wars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected over thirty writers to participate in the workshop. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a 500 word sample that the writer chose from his or her manuscript where he or she felt they needed help with their voice. Our hope that these samples will help you with your work and that you’ll get to know some of our wonderful Pitch Wars mentors.We appreciate our mentors for giving up their time to do the critiques.  If you have something encouraging to add, feel free to comment below. Please keep all comments tasteful. We will delete any inappropriate or hurtful ones. And now we have … Pitch Wars Mentor J.C. Nelson Website  |  Twitter |  Goodreads Hey, I’m a 40-something author living in the rainy Pacific Northwest, with an ark’s worth of animals and four kids I love.         Jason’s 500 Word Critique . . . Adult Speculative Fiction      His alarm went off at six thirty, but Roth didn’t rouse until an hour later. The reaper flu had him in its  grip again, a yellow, poisonous feeling flooding his bloodstream, making his body and his mind sluggish. So, I love the yellow, poisonous feeling, but here’s a great place to draw a simile and add some real  character. I don’t know enough about Roth to make suggestions, but things like “moving slower than  molasses in winter” would give his narrative voice a rural feel, while “move slower than the gridlocked traffic on 8th” would be urbane. These are small choices which build together to give us the narrative  voice.      The joints in his knees and hips screamed with pain as he swung his legs over the bed. He sat on the edge, resting like an old man. From the other room, he heard Simone’s low voice and the boy’s  mono-syllabic response.      Roth put his head in his hands. It had come again. Three years of his life gone for good. Three nights free of the creature, and then Jake had his close call and it was back. That couldn’t be a coincidence.      The door cracked open and Simone peered through.      “Hi. Finally awake. You were really tired.”      “Yeah,” he said, wiping his face and standing. Body language here would be great, and give you another opportunity to pick and choose how your narrator speaks.      “You alright?”      “Yes. I’m feeling a little ill this morning, that’s all.”      “Sorry. You want some coffee or no?” I’d love some beats, some description worked...

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