Day Eighteen of July’s First Page Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentors… Dee Romito & Monica Bustamante Wagner
Jul24

Day Eighteen of July’s First Page Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentors… Dee Romito & Monica Bustamante Wagner

Welcome to July’s First Page Workshop with some of our past and present PitchWars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected many wonderful writers to participate in the workshop. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a first page for one lucky writer. The writers are anonymous. Follow along all month to view the first page critiques. We welcome comments and further suggestions, but please keep them kind and respectful. Here are the next two mentors and their critiques … Dee Romito Website | Twitter | Tumblr | Pinterest | Facebook | Goodreads Dee Romito is an author, elementary teacher, and educational freelance writer. Her middle grade debut, THE BFF BUCKET LIST, will publish with Simon & Schuster/Aladdin in 2016. She blogs about writing at I Write for Apples, where she and her team share tips to help fellow writers. Popular features include the Query.Sign.Submit. interview series with publishing professionals and easy-to-follow Scrivener tutorials. Dee is a member of SCBWI and Co-Advisor of Buffalo-Niagara Children’s Writers and Illustrators. You can visit her website at DeeRomito.com. Dee’s first page critique … I don’t like dead chickens. Or dead anything, really. It’s a long story. The issue here is that we don’t know the connection between the first few sentences and what happens next. You might want to consider starting with the line about the deer staring at her instead. A little mystery is great, but you don’t want your reader confused. Anyway, that’s probably why I found myself perched on top of a rickety ladder at 5:42 a.m. in front of a billboard along Highway 191 just north of Moab, Utah, on what promised to be another cloudless, sweltering day in July. Careful starting out describing the weather- although if you rearrange things, it’s fine in the second paragraph. The deer on the billboard was staring at me. His eyeball was the size of my head, so no matter where I moved, it followed. This creeped me out almost as much as it did whenever I ventured into our garage and all of Dad’s glassy-eyed elk and bison heads tracked my every move. Nice job giving us information in an interesting way. 🙂 “Hurry, Lizza!” Brooklyn called up to me. She was holding the ladder, and I have to say, she wasn’t doing a very good job. The soles of my Toms were worn, so they slid around on the metal rungs every time I even breathed. I was sure I’d fall any minute and end up as 191’s latest road kill. Good details with the Toms and the setting. Without answering, I sprayed a final coat of white over the massive letter “O” that spelled...

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