Day Eight of July’s First Page Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentors … Wendy Spinale & K.T. Hanna
Jul10

Day Eight of July’s First Page Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentors … Wendy Spinale & K.T. Hanna

Welcome to July’s First Page Workshop with some of our past and present PitchWars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected many wonderful writers to participate in the workshop. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a first page for one lucky writer. The writers are anonymous. Follow along all month to view the first page critiques. We welcome comments and further suggestions, but please keep them kind and respectful. Here are the next two mentors and their critiques …   Wendy Spinale Website | Twitter | Facebook Wendy is a former Disneyland resort actor and is in familiar with all things make-believe. She lives in the California with her husband and three sons. When she isn’t writing or reading, you can find her enjoying the outdoors. Keep a look out for her debut novel EVERLAND, coming May 2016. Here’s a preview of EVERLAND … Below the second star to the right lie the ruins of London. Now they call it Everland. Sixteen-year-old Gwen Darling has survived the bombs, a deadly viral outbreak, and the annihilation of most of the adult population, however she may not survive the next twenty-four hours. Captain Hook believes the cure to the airborne Horologia virus lies within the antibodies of London’s orphaned children. He and his army of Marauders are snatching the war’s littlest victims off the streets in a desperate attempt to find an antidote. Gwen must protect her two siblings from becoming their next abductions. When Hook’s army kidnaps her sister, Joanna, Gwen journeys deep into the city with the help of Pete, Bella, and a quirky group of Lost Boys. There she will uncover the truth about the virus…but only if she can outrun Hook’s crocodiles, zeppelins, and convoy of Steam Crawlers. In Everland, growing up requires more than faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust. Wendy’s first page critique … I’m in the bathroom gargling with mouthwash when (Your second sentence is stronger than you’re first.) Nobody visits us at one in the morning. (I’m in the bathroom gargling with mouthwash when the doorbell rings.) Dad must have forgotten his keys. What an irony. Ironic. Before leaving for his New Year’s Eve ball, he’d teased me about how much later I’d return home than he would. Yay, a kick in his ass. (Awesome! Right off that bat I can tell she’s a snarky personality.) I spit out the minty mouthwash gargle, along with the stench of alcohol off my breath, then open the door and step into the hallway. One of my glitter ankle boots lies beside an ebony pedestal by the library door, sparkling under the Christmas...

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