Day Six of July’s First Page Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentors … Diana Gallagher & Kevin Springer
Jul08

Day Six of July’s First Page Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentors … Diana Gallagher & Kevin Springer

Welcome to July’s First Page Workshop with some of our past and present PitchWars mentors. From a Rafflecopter lottery drawing, we selected many wonderful writers to participate in the workshop. Each mentor has graciously critiqued a first page for one lucky writer. The writers are anonymous. Follow along all month to view the first page critiques. We welcome comments and further suggestions, but please keep them kind and respectful. Here are the next two mentors and their critiques …   Diana Gallagher Website | Twitter | Pinterest Though Diana Gallagher be but little, she is fierce. She’s also a gymnastics coach and judge, former collegiate gymnast, and writing professor. Her work has appeared in The Southampton Review, International Gymnast,The Couch Gymnast, and on a candy cigarette box for SmokeLong Quarterly. She holds an MFA from Stony Brook University and is represented by Tina Wexler of ICM Partners. Her debut novel, LESSONS IN FALLING, releases September 8. Diana’s upcoming release … LESSONS IN FALLING (YA Contemporary – 9/8/15) When Savannah Gregory blows out her knee – and her shot at a gymnastics scholarship – she decides she’s done with the sport forever. Without gymnastics, she has more time for her best friend, Cassie. She’s content to let her fun, impulsive best friend plan a memorable senior year. That is, until Cassie tries to kill herself. Savannah wants to understand what happened, but Cassie refuses to talk about it and for the first time, Savannah has to find her own way. The only person she can turn to is Marcos, the boy who saved Cassie’s life. Being with him makes her see who she could be and what she really wants: gymnastics. But Cassie doesn’t approve of Marcos or of Savannah going back to gymnastics, and the tighter she tries to hold on to Savannah, the farther it pulls them apart. Without Cassie to call the shots, Savannah discovers how capable she is on her own – and that maybe her best friend’s been holding her back all along. Pre-order now! Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound | Book Depository | Powell’s Add it to Goodreads Diana’s first page critique … I’d like to see a line or two before this bit of dialogue to set the scene in Annie’s POV, introducing us to her mental/emotional state. “She’s clean.” I’d move this paragraph up to follow “she’s clean,” showing us who’s speaking. The big goon that doubles as the school rent-a-cop waves the piss test-stick in front of my face like I just won the lottery. His black face is shiny with sweat. This is the only character whose skin color is mentioned in this...

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