July Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentors … Kes Trester & Stephanie Garber!
Jul16

July Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentors … Kes Trester & Stephanie Garber!

Welcome to the July Query & 1st Page Workshop with some of our PitchWars mentors. We selected many wonderful writers from a drawing held in June to participate in the workshop. Each mentor has graciously critiqued either a query or first page for two writers. The writers are anonymous and the titles/genres are hidden. Follow along all month to view the critiques. We welcome comments and further suggestions, but please keep them kind and respectful. Here are the next two mentors and their critiques …   Kes Trester Website | Twitter Kes Trester is a former feature film development executive and television commercial producer. Her (hopefully) soon-to-be published YA thriller 7 DAYS is currently under option for a television series. She is represented by Dawn Frederick of Red Sofa Literary.   Kes’s critiques …   Critique #29 – Query: Thank you for your insightful blogpost regarding the one-hour offer of representation scam. Sadly, it seems this is becoming an epidemic. I promise I will be completely truthful about all offers of representation. I’ll save the lies about a successful writing career for my high school reunion. As you have expressed an interest in humorous middle grade novels, I believe you may be interested in my latest project. As a fan of personalized openings, this is working for me, though it is perhaps a sentence too long. Laser vision isn’t so hot when you’re cross-eyed. Supersonic flight’s a downer when motion sickness keeps you grounded. Marshall Preston’s a Defective, a person with superhuman abilities that are counteracted by some very human setbacks. I don’t think the first 2 sentences are necessary when you can open with a terrific high-concept pitch. I would also make that opening line even punchier and not just allude to his challenges (i.e. Marshall Preston is a 12yo superhero. Too bad leaping tall buildings makes him want to barf.) While other kids are recruited into superhero teams, Marshall’s stuck in seventh grade with a kid who can run at super speed but can’t stop, another with a radioactive peanut allergy that turns him into a swollen Hulk, and a slow-witted telepath who reads everyone’s thoughts out loud. This is good, but it could go farther in setting the scene. Here’s your chance to emotionally hook us with a fun band of misfits known as The Defectives. Defectives aren’t exactly superhero material but when Marshall uncovers a plot to destroy one of the greatest superhero teams of all time, he and his band of less-than-perfect super humans set out to prove that just because you’re defective, it doesn’t mean you can’t be a hero. The stakes are...

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