July Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentors … Ricki Schultz & Juliana Brandt!
Jul15

July Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentors … Ricki Schultz & Juliana Brandt!

  Welcome to the July Query & 1st Page Workshop with some of our PitchWars mentors. We selected many wonderful writers from a drawing held in June to participate in the workshop. Each mentor has graciously critiqued either a query or first page for two writers. The writers are anonymous and the titles/genres are hidden. Follow along all month to view the critiques. We welcome comments and further suggestions, but please keep them kind and respectful. Here are the next two mentors and their critiques …   Ricki Schultz Website | Twitter | Instagram | Tumblr Ricki is an Atlanta-based freelance writer/editor, English teacher, and professional nerd. She has contributed to Writer’s Digest Books since 2009, interviewing agents and authors for Screenwriter’s & Playwright’s Market, Children’s Writer’s & Illustrator’s Market, and Guide to Literary Agents. This year is her second year judging WD’s Self-Published Book Awards as well. She has spoken at several writers conferences around the country, coordinated the Write-Brained Network’s writing workshop in 2011, and she’s also looking forward to being a mentor for this year’s Pitch Wars. A writer of contemporary young adult fiction, Ricki is represented by Barbara Poelle of the Irene Goodman Literary Agency, and she is currently looking to fill some editing slots for the fall.   Ricki’s critiques …   Critique #25 – First Page: Somewhere out there in the night, my boys were slinking slunk through darkened rooms and collected collecting treasures, while I choked on the foul air in the bar of a dockside inn. Every inhale of the thick stench of booze and sweat of the foreign sailors made me want to flee. But if I left, I’d be back there againspanstyle=”color:red”>tomorrow the nextnight. [IT’S BEST TO START OUT AS ACTIVE AS POSSIBLE, WHICH IS WHY I OMITTED AND CONDENSED SOME OF THE PASSIVE VOICE. DROP US RIGHT IN TO THE SCENE. PERHAPS START WITH “I CHOKED ON THE SMELL OF BOOZE AND SWEAT EMANATING FROM THE FOREIGN SAILORS AT THE BAR.” THIS IS MORE ACTIVE—WE CAN PICTURE IT AND EXPERIENCE IT MORE AS A SCENE RIGHT AWAY—AND IT DOESN’T CHANGE TOO MUCH OF THE IDEA OF WHAT YOU ALREADY HAD. IT’S JUST TIGHTER, MORE VIVID, AND MORE ACTIVE. LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITIES LIKE THIS THROUGHOUT.] Father had insisted I practice basic confidence schemes with Mayura, and that was what I’d be assigned to do until she told him my performance had been satisfactory. My best chance at getting to run with the boys tomorrow was to succeed tonight and not fail. It was a waste of time, though. I’d never be a competent con artist because cons usually hinge...

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