July Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentors … Sarah Guillory & Brianna Shrum!
Jul11

July Workshop with Pitch Wars Mentors … Sarah Guillory & Brianna Shrum!

Welcome to the July Query & 1st Page Workshop with some of our PitchWars mentors. We selected many wonderful writers from a drawing held in June to participate in the workshop. Each mentor has graciously critiqued either a query or first page for two writers. The writers are anonymous and the titles/genres are hidden. Follow along all month to view the critiques. We welcome comments and further suggestions, but please keep them kind and respectful. Here are the next two mentors and their critiques …   Sarah Guillory Website  Twitter Blog  Tumblr Sarah is an award-winning teacher and author. Her debut novel, Reclaimed, was named the 2013 Foreword Book of the Year in Young Adult Fiction and garnered the Silver 2014 IPPY Book Award, also in Young Adult Fiction. She lives in Louisiana with her husband and their bloodhound.   One small town, two big secrets, three lives that will never be the same. Get your copy today! Amazon   Sarah’s critiques … Critique #17 – First Page: The first time I saw a ghost, my sisters and I were playing house in the backyard. I was five. (This opening is interesting, but be careful of starting with background information.) When the fluffy white cat walked in front of our swing set, I didn’t even know it was a ghost. (For some reason, I had to read this a couple of times. I think it’s the jump between ghost and cat, though it is interesting that she first saw a cat ghost.) I just dropped my doll and ran after it. But McKenna and Tara (I don’t know who they are. Later down it says Tara is her sister. I would put that here instead.) couldn’t see the cat. McKenna said I was making it up. I didn’t care at the time. If they couldn’t see her, that meant I got to have Kitty all to myself. When I was eleven, my family took a ghost tour of a haunted hotel. No one believed me when I said I saw the ghost of the man who’d died there. I mean, it was a ghost tour. Duh. That time, the man smiled sadly and walked away. I’d gotten used to seeing spirits by then. Ghosts still showed up sometimes, but they passed by without noticing me, and I ignored them right back. Except Kitty. Ten years later, she was still my friend. When I saw a spirit, I didn’t bother telling people anymore. No one believed me. I wasn’t thinking about ghosts when my younger sister, Tara, and her friends came into the basement and decided to have a séance during...

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